Day Twenty-One: Undated Sketchbook Drawing (I think 2008-2009 but not positive)

 In lieu of posting yet another 2012 entry, here is an undated sketchbook drawing/poem.

Alone again

I lament 

all I ever wanted

I seem to be chasing away

when all I really want

is to be his baby

for just one more day

And I've loved before

but never did I let go

and now that I'm about to

I just feel lost inside.

I don't know

if it's fear

I don't know

if it's pride

But he's everywhere

my thoughts go

and boy is that a ride.

All I can see are my shortcomings

and that keeps me away

from all I could ever be

It keeps me away from forever

though that's what I wish this could be

I wish I could see the beauty

through my own eyes

but all I see

are saggy tits and flabby thighs

and that's just the superficial shit.

If I dig deeper

I can guarantee

Anyone would agree

This girl

Is

Not

A

Keeper.

Sometimes I feel

it's an impossible puzzle

to distinguish what's real

from what's in my mind.

I can only say with certainty

"I really love you"

and then just hope

he responds in kind.

There are days

he wipes my tears

and says everything's going to be okay

But there are days I get upset

and he walks away.

I was a sad story

waiting to be written.

A tragic tale

taking shape

before your eyes.