Friday, September 24, 2010


I feel sometimes as though
My heart can't possibly love more
I've given it my all
And I can only close the door
But I know that deep inside
There's wealth of love within
And I'd like to open up
And let someone breathe it in

So here I stand before you
Waiting for a sign
I've laid it all out for you
I'm not so hard to find
Please I just implore you
Take my body and my mind
I won't give one alone you see
Because together they're divine

Monday, September 20, 2010

Just let go

Just let go!
Cries every cell in my body.
Every molecule of my being.
Why can't I just let go?
What is it that keeps me here,
Surrendering again and again
To these unending waves of emotion
I'm torturing myself
But why?
For loving him?
For not being able to stop?
For not being able to keep him?
For everyone I hurt before him?
For everyone I stand to hurt now?
Now that I'm unable to love.

I can make everything okay
I can love again
I can smile and be happy
All I have to do
That one, simple sounding thing...
Just let go

What makes me so afraid?
What do I even stand to lose at this point?
Surely I've already lost my dignity
My pride
My sanity
So why not just let go

Is it because he was my forever thing?
My love to last until the end of time
How can that even be
With him gone now
How is that even fair?

I can feel myself getting lost
Further and further away from the woman I'd found within
Further and further away from the woman I'd found with him
I'm not going backward
I'm not going forward
I'm getting lost in a place in time when I had everything I could ever want
And I couldn't see it before my eyes
And I couldn't hold it in my arms
And I couldn't accept it at the time
I couldn't accept it as mine
So he took it away

Just let go
I don't know how to let go
I've never wanted anything so truly
So completely
I've never been so honest or open
I've never cared or tried in such a way before
I never gave everything, and then a little more

And it wasn't beautiful
Not all the time
It was messy
And difficult to understand
It was brutally hurtful
It was a sinking ship on fire with a hull full of dynamite
But it was mine and wanted it so fiercely
After I lost it I'd have done anything to get it back
God I tried for a year
But I failed

And I guess that's why it's so hard to let go
To admit this final failure
After a string of life mistakes
Yet before
I could always say
Well I didn't truly love
I didn't truly try
Now I can't say that anymore
But still, I failed

"It wasn't meant to be"
They say
Just let go, it wasn't meant to be
If it wasn't meant to be
Then why the fuck was it in the first place
Why did it come to be if wasn't meant to

When I let go he'll be in my past
And I want him in my present
Every day I want him to be present
In my heart, my mind, my soul
Every day I want to remember true love
And what it felt like
And that's why I can't let go

But if I can't let go
I can't go on
And that's where I am

Where's my mind at

It's different in here
This place
So dark now
After shining so bright

How could I know
How everything would change
If I had known
Surely, I wouldn't have given it a chance

And so it's good
And so it goes
But this darkness is overwhelming
I need to find the light