Sunday, November 20, 2016

Just. Go. Away.

See me.
For who I am.
For who I have been.
For who I am trying to be.
Or just. go. away.

I realize.
I'm far
Far
From perfect.
But,
I work
Daily
On awareness
And growth
NOT
Belittling
And blaming.
So, please.
Just. Go. Away.

See me.
For who I am.
For who I have been.
For who I am trying to be.
Or just. go. away.

The last word
Is yours
I'm done.
Just. Go. Away.

Tuesday, November 15, 2016

Black and White

Lost and found
Old and new
Wet and dry

Opposites may have attracted
Once
But the repulsion is evident
Now

I may have robbed my children
Of their black and white world
Everything went gray
Too early
For them

I was so lost
Once
And then
Again
And then
Again

What do I even expect to find?

I feel old
Even though love is new
I guess because once
New love = uncomplicated
And now...
Now the only thing that's simple
Is the end

The tears
Stream
Down my cheeks
Wet
The fountain
Of future
Happiness
Dry

Friday, November 11, 2016

My Loves

I have been wanting to write this letter to you from the moment I realized our country was actually going to elect Donald Trump.  I found myself trying to wait until I was less emotional, more rational. I see now that day might not come any time soon.

So, I'm not overtly patriotic.  I don't fly an American Flag outside our house or have an "I love America" bumper sticker on my hypothetical car or a bald eagle tattooed on my bicep.  But I do have a deep love for our country and the people who live in it.  ALL OF THEM.  I love the people who are like-minded, I love the people who think differently, I love the people whose lives are a mess and struggle, I love the people who are successful and I understand, and want you to understand, that EVERYONE makes mistakes.  And love is about forgiveness.  Love is about acceptance.

However, forgiveness and acceptance are not a carte blanche.  Neither are hate and anger.  

When someone loves a person, or a place, and a horrible mistake is made (or what you perceive to be a horrible mistake), it hurts.  At its extreme, it causes a broken heart.  And so my loves, when we voted Trump into office, my heart broke, and the hearts of a lot of people who also love our country. For me, it's not because I hate Trump.  Trump is what he is and he has a place under my umbrella of love for humans, but, again, that doesn't mean he can do or say or act however he wants and I will stand by and watch, continually forgiving and accepting without making a move to effect change.  Not when he takes a position of leadership in our government.

Now, a lot of people feel like it's too late, he's elected.  We should have done something beforehand, what's the point in rallying or protesting or speaking out now.  We're not going to change anything. We should just sit quietly and let him do his thing.

So here's what I believe.

Article [I] (Amendment 1 - Freedom of expression and religion) 13

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances. 

Our democratic government is set-up "by the people, for the people".  As "the people" we have a responsibility to make our voices heard when we feel our government is moving in a direction that, collectively, we cannot tolerate.  Respecting the president-elect and protesting against the abhorrent statements he has made and ideas he is propagating, are two completely different things.

And so I will stand in solidarity with everyone who feels oppressed by Trump's statements and those of his constituents.  I will ask you to stand beside me, and speak out against acts of hatred and violence.  I will ask that you walk or march beside me in peaceful, respectful protest of the words and ideas that have struck fear into the hearts of so many Americans.  But most of all, I will ask you to follow your own hearts, and do whatever you feel is the right thing to do.

If we can help Trump see just how many Americans feel hurt and marginalized by his words and threatened actions, and he cares about doing a good job as President, then he will have to take responsibility for the things he says.  And if the only thing we accomplish is that he stops and thinks before he speaks, we have made progress.  And the President-elect is not the only one watching.  All across America, and the world at large, we need to send the message that millions of us are not okay with his rhetoric.  That millions of us care about one another despite any number of factors that make us the amazing and beautiful people that we are.  I'm not going to list them for fear of leaving some group out, but you know who they are.  

If children can get suspended from your school for repeating the words of the President-elect, it is incumbent upon me to act.  Not by spreading more violence, more hate and more intolerance but by working to support and promote a dialogue and atmosphere of mutual respect and understanding among anyone and everyone who is willing to engage in such.

So, my loves, let's talk.  Let's talk, and let's remember to love everyone.  Let's lend our strength to positive and peaceful civic actions and show the world exactly what this country is made of.  Let's be Americans and show our love for America by exercising our Constitutional rights.  Whatever we do, let's not choose now to be silent and hope for the best.

Love,
Mama



Wednesday, November 9, 2016

November 12, 2008

If this is tonight
Then what of tomorrow
I've misplaced my dreams
Have you one I can borrow?

Tragedy
I'd like to think that gradually
I'll put to rest that fragile me
And bounce back from this tragedy
That split apart my family
But don't you know that tragedy
Was something that was born in me
And even if I've sworn to be
Do I believe that possibly
I'm capable of living peaceably
When all that does reside in me
Is ultimately contradictory
To the person that I try to be
And sometimes I can hide it, see
But when people confide in me
The honesty collides down deep
And tragic thoughts disrupt my sleep
And negativity will creep
And then my conscious mind does leak
All the strength I tried to keep
And stockpile
Knowing that it could be a while
And I may just forget to smile
In the face of tragedy
That would expose the fragile me

Thursday, November 3, 2016

I can't stop

My head
Is filled
With love

My heart
Is filled
With hope

My body
Is full
Of the feelings
Elicited
By your words

Did you know
I respond
Autonomically
To the sight
Of your name
(chat window)
To the sound
Of your voice
(even if it's only
in my mind)
To the memory
Of the feeling
Of your breath
On my neck

So many things
Bring me back
To you
And all this time
I've spent
Running away
I've grown tired
So tired
That I just
Want to curl-up
Beside you
Call that place
Home
And stay there

(T)his Morning

This morning
Is gray
The air
Is chilled
But not
To discomfort
My steps
Are quiet
Unimposing
My thoughts
Gentle
Like mist

I like
Their weight
This morning
Closer
To buoyant
Than I
Can really
Remember
Them being
Lately
(Except
That weekend)
I digress....

The shadows
Are missing
Because
The sunlight
Is not here
To play

My heart
Is light
Because
I realized
I am only
Positioned
To win
No matter what

Unless
Of course
Love
Is a spider
Once again
Spinning
Its web of lies
Around my heart

But
If that
Were
Truly
The case
Would I
Feel
So light?
So free?

I think not
For I do
Remember
The weight
Of the lies
The clouds
Of torment
In his eyes
From time
To time

It's sad
(I know)
That when
I write
Of love
He
Invades
Like
A disease
And steals
My beautiful thoughts
Coloring them
The shade of fear

But
This
Is a process
This
Learning
To love
Anew

Demolishing
The (reinforced) fortress
Protecting
Mee

Trusting
The future
To be
Anything
It wants
To be

My catharsis
Cleared
The melancholy
Anchored
The joy
Of knowing you
Deep
Into Mee

And
On this
Gloomy morning
The light
Shines
From inside
The light
Named
T