Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Come

Find me
In the light
Of day
When all
My fears
Are tucked
Away
Slumbering
Until the night
Find me now
And you will see
Beauty and charm
Positivity

But should you come
In the shadow
Of the night
To the place
Where I stop
Pretending
All is right
What you will find
Is the real Mee
Who is something
Of
A catastrophe

I loved
And I lived
And I thought
They were One
And the Same
And I gave
Everything
To that love
Only
For it
To walk away

And after that
I forgot
How to stand
How to walk
How to feed
How to grow

And after that
I remembered
What I once
Did know

So in the day
In the light
I can shine
Something bright

But in the dark
Of the night
You will see
What is left
Of a girl
Who gave
Everything
To love

To love
That left
And moved on
Because
Everything
Sometimes
Just isn't
Enough

Saturday, December 4, 2010

...

Beautiful on the inside

I'm beautiful on the inside
A supermodel really
(But only on the inside)

Sometimes
I can make that beauty
Work for me
I can summon it
Bring it out
Make it shine

And some people
Some people draw it out of me
And those people
I call my family
My friends
My loved ones
And I carry their memories
Deep inside
For always
And it makes me shine
With even more beauty
(But only from the inside)


Do you see it?





Monday, November 15, 2010

Freedom

Illusory
Half-hearted
Ill-timed
Chained forever
In my mind
Unable to reach
What is already
Within my grasp
Because
My brain
Can't erase
The past
The last one
The only one
Or so I thought
So where
Can I find
Some freedom

I need freedom
To love again
I need love
To live again
I need life
To grow again
I need growth
To be sane again
Or
Was I
Ever?
(And could I ever be?)

Freedom
Is a present
In the sunlight
Away from
The shadows
Of the past
The clouds
Of aftermath
The last
Lonely
Tear
Evaporated
Into the atmosphere
Of a new day

Monday, November 8, 2010

Zelda's

Sunday I was lucky enough to be able to attend my writing workshop.  The assignment was to choose one or more of the following phrases to write your piece:

1.  Invites you to discover;
2.  They get only a fraction of that amount;
3.  Reduce their perception of pain;
4.  Increased from one decade to the next; and
5.  Not in the traditional sense.

This was my poem:

If only
I could reduce their perception of pain
The burns would not burn so deep
The amputation would help them sleep
The fall would be more of a flight
The tears would not last through the night

If only
They got a fraction of that amount
They would have value they could actually count
They would work for each dollar they had
The would lose and actually get mad

If only
Love increased from one decade to the next
Humanity could give war a rest
Families would find room to heal
People would remember how to feel

If only
I could invite you to discover
The part of me I keep undercover
I could possibly be whole
I could, possibly, be whole

Ballerinarai Deux

Ballerinarai



Samurai is the last one on the right in the last row.

Creepy

Karate

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Friday, September 24, 2010

Mee

I feel sometimes as though
My heart can't possibly love more
I've given it my all
And I can only close the door
But I know that deep inside
There's wealth of love within
And I'd like to open up
And let someone breathe it in

So here I stand before you
Waiting for a sign
I've laid it all out for you
I'm not so hard to find
Please I just implore you
Take my body and my mind
I won't give one alone you see
Because together they're divine

Monday, September 20, 2010

Just let go

Just let go!
Cries every cell in my body.
Every molecule of my being.
Why can't I just let go?
What is it that keeps me here,
Surrendering again and again
To these unending waves of emotion
I'm torturing myself
But why?
For loving him?
For not being able to stop?
For not being able to keep him?
For everyone I hurt before him?
For everyone I stand to hurt now?
Now that I'm unable to love.

I can make everything okay
I can love again
I can smile and be happy
All I have to do
That one, simple sounding thing...
Just let go

What makes me so afraid?
What do I even stand to lose at this point?
Surely I've already lost my dignity
My pride
My sanity
So why not just let go

Is it because he was my forever thing?
My love to last until the end of time
How can that even be
With him gone now
How is that even fair?

I can feel myself getting lost
Further and further away from the woman I'd found within
Further and further away from the woman I'd found with him
I'm not going backward
I'm not going forward
I'm getting lost in a place in time when I had everything I could ever want
And I couldn't see it before my eyes
And I couldn't hold it in my arms
And I couldn't accept it at the time
I couldn't accept it as mine
So he took it away

Just let go
I don't know how to let go
I've never wanted anything so truly
So completely
I've never been so honest or open
I've never cared or tried in such a way before
I never gave everything, and then a little more

And it wasn't beautiful
Not all the time
It was messy
And difficult to understand
It was brutally hurtful
It was a sinking ship on fire with a hull full of dynamite
But it was mine and wanted it so fiercely
After I lost it I'd have done anything to get it back
God I tried for a year
But I failed

And I guess that's why it's so hard to let go
To admit this final failure
After a string of life mistakes
Yet before
I could always say
Well I didn't truly love
I didn't truly try
Now I can't say that anymore
But still, I failed

"It wasn't meant to be"
They say
Just let go, it wasn't meant to be
If it wasn't meant to be
Then why the fuck was it in the first place
Why did it come to be if wasn't meant to

When I let go he'll be in my past
And I want him in my present
Every day I want him to be present
In my heart, my mind, my soul
Every day I want to remember true love
And what it felt like
And that's why I can't let go

But if I can't let go
I can't go on
And that's where I am

Where's my mind at

It's different in here
This place
So dark now
After shining so bright

How could I know
How everything would change
If I had known
Surely, I wouldn't have given it a chance

And so it's good
And so it goes
But this darkness is overwhelming
I need to find the light

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Help

It's amazing
How we lie
To ourselves
Sometimes
Because
We love someone
So much

The things
We overlook
The facts
Circumstances
The words
Coming out
Of their mouths

I asked
And never liked
What people
Had to say
I dug my own grave
And now
I'm ready to be buried
Just to stop
The pain

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Inspiration

You come
From many places
A dried pattern of liquid droplets
By the sink
(Probably contact solution)
A weather worn wall
With faded graffiti
A painting of wax
Melted in a new way

Inspiration
You are born
Of my heart
And my imagination
Most fertile
When my heart
And my mind
Are filled with love

And lately,
Inspiration,
I've been so full
I've never known
A feeling like this
So complete
And uncomplicated
So simple
And unconfused

And when I allow
Everything else
To fall away from it
It stands gigantic
And gorgeous
Immovable
And so complete
Yet,
Somehow,
Still growing

I am in awe,
Inspiration,
Of this place
Where you are born
And reborn
Rising like a phoenix
But each time
Leaving your mark
Before bursting into flame

I love,
Dear Inspiration,
And therefore,
You live

Stay with me,
Okay?

Monday, July 12, 2010

Everything

Could it be
That everything
Is less important
Than I make it out to be

Could it be
That letting go
Is the only way
To be set free

Could it be
That admitting
I have no control
Will ease my anxiety

Could it be
That yesterday
Is exactly
Where it should be

Could it be
That tomorrow
Will only pass me by
If I continue
To hold on to yesterday

Could it be
That today
I can be happy
In a way
I never thought I could

Could it be
My everything
Is what I have to give up
To come into my own

Could it be?

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Just Stop

So I want to talk about this guy...

Just stop.

But he's always on my mind and I really want to discuss...

Just stop.

Well it's really important I just need to...

Just stop.

You don't understand, I...

Just stop.

Why won't you listen to me?

Because I'm sick of hearing it.  Ever since you met this guy it's aaaalllll about him.  Just stop.

But you see...

Just stop.

Why are you treating me like this?  I want to work together.

So listen to me.  Just stop.

But you're not listening to me, why should I listen to you?

Because I'm the brain, and you're the heart.  I've been telling you over and over for the past year to stop, and you'll stop hurting.  But you haven't listened. 

But I love him.

And that's fine.  But he's told you again and again he doesn't love you anymore.  So just stop.

But I can't.

You have a history of loving everyone else more than you love yourself.  Your love for him was unique in that it showed you the path to loving yourself first, and thereby being able to love everyone else more.  You learned that by loving him.  Now remember it.

You're smart.

I am the brain.

I want to be smart too.

Then listen to me.

It's so hard though, I love...

Just stop.

*sigh*  Will it ever stop hurting?

No.  When you lose someone you love, it will always hurt a little to think about them, and the fact they are no longer there.  But it will hurt less and less, over time.

Can I just say...

No.  There is nothing more for you to say.  Listen to what I have to say for a change.  I never win.  I am always following behind you and dealing with the messes you make.  You act without regard for what I think without realizing that what you feel is part of how I determine what I think.  We do not need to be at odds.  It is not purely logic vs. emotion.  Together we make a whole being.  Together.  Now quit working against me all the time.  And as far as this guy...Just Stop.

How?

Follow my lead.  We'll get through this together.

I can't handle the pain.

Which is exactly why we need to stop.  We can handle it.  You'll see.

I believe in you.

I believe in you too.  We're gonna be okay.  Even better, maybe, than ever before.

I'll believe that when I see it.

Ha.  Now you're talking like me.

Uh oh.  We're doomed.

Not a chance.



Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Silence

I've been a little quiet lately
It's not for lack of things to say
But a lack of how to say them.

When I am at my best
The words come so easily
When I am at my worst
It's all I can do to set things free
It's this land inbetween
I find it difficult to narrate
The place where I'm just okay
Not too bad, but still not great

So here I am
Just breaking the silence
Yet still saying nothing
Which may speak volumes

Is it a matter
Of not having anything nice to say
And therefore
Saying nothing?

Or

Is it a matter
Of not wanting to speak of it
Lest it go away

Only time
My savior
My nemises
Only you
Will tell

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Of Moon Pies and Mars Bars...

...and other interplanetary food connections.

Or...

"Say it with Space"

Basically this post is complete random nonsense onset by an abnormally high level of cheeriness onset by an abnormally high level of caffeine currently coursing through my bloodstream.  "Eeeek!", says the balance of energy which naturally occurs (and is naturally high anyway), "We're in overload, get it out before we explode into a jittery mass."

So yeah anyway I was thinking of moon pies and mars bars and wondering why there aren't more foods associated with planets and other instellar stuffs. 

That's it.  I'm going to get my non-interplanteary foodstuffs out of the microwave now.  Happy lunch peoples.

This feels about right this morning.




Thanks @JerzoTheKing.

This is how I feel sometimes...

Be afraid.  Be very afraid.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

R.I.P. Guru




I have a lot to say actually but right now I don't have the time.  I spent a lot of nights listening to Guru though and there will be many more.  Music will always outlive its maker, part of its magic I suppose. 

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Tori Oshi

In The End

Forever means it never ends.
It's a forever thing.
That's what happens, when you can't let go.

But for you, in the end...

What am I neglecting?

What am I neglecting as I take the time to empty this brain of mine of a few of the words, thoughts, ideas which are constantly, incessantly swirling around?  I'm neglecting my job.  But not entirely, because I didn't stay home to write this.  I am at my desk, still answering the phone, greeting people, appearing to be busy with actual work.  The problem is my brain is congested.  It's just so full of gunk right now I feel if I could just take a minute and squeeze a good bit of it out into cyberspace I'll be able to focus again.  Of course, I could be wrong, but it's worth a try, right?

What's the matter Mee Jong?

Well, it's like this.  I worked really, really hard to climb this incredibly tall mountain of emotion which grew out of some place I never even realized I had inside me.  And I reached the top and took a deep breath and looked around and saw the world laid out before me in the most beautiful way.  I was so proud of myself for making it and I thought I was at peace with the process and all I'd gone through to get there and I just wanted to stay and lay back in the grass and watch the clouds go by for a while.  I just felt so good I went to edge of the mountaintop and I leaned forward and I shouted "I'm so happy!" and when I did so, I fell down the side of the mountain.  All the way to the bottom.

Wow, that must've hurt.

It hurts like no pain I've ever known. 

Well, what are you going to do now?

That's exactly what I'm trying to figure out.  I keep hanging around the base of the mountain, wanting to try and climb again.  Looking for some tiny path to begin my climb.  But all the old trails have closed.  There are warnings all over the place telling me to not to climb that mountain again.  And then there's all the pain.  The pain makes it difficult to even move.  I look around and I see other mountains.  But I loved climbing my mountain.  All those months I spent getting to know every nook and cranny.  Every storm I whethered, every predator I evaded, every moment I took to enjoy the climb, they all connect me to this mountain.  I'm trying so hard to walk away from it but I swear my legs have never been so heavy in all my life.

It would seem like you need to move away from the mountain, get out of its shadow and feel the sunlight on your face again.

It has been rather cold here in the shade.   When I find the strength to walk, I'll look for a sunny path and explore it.

You have the strength to walk.  All the work you put into climbing that mountain, it made you stronger than you've ever been.  And don't forget, you made it to the top.  Perhaps you didn't get to enjoy the view for as long as you'd have liked, but that's beyond your control. 

It's just that I miss my mountain.  I don't want to walk away from it.  And don't forget, I fell really far.  I'm very broken right now.

Try to remember the mountain will appear smaller as you walk away from it.  That's not to diminsh your journey, your climb, but it's to remind you of perspective.

Are you saying I'm allowing this to be bigger than it is?

All I'm saying is that by staying where you are, your perspective is never going to change.  You are broken and unhappy, refusing to move forward will only cause more pain.  Take a few steps away and then look back, perhaps you will begin to see things a little differently.

I don't know where to walk.

And...

I'm frightened.

You're not alone.

People love you.

Walk with them.

I will.  Thank you.

Thank yourself.

I just did.






Monday, March 29, 2010

Marathon Pictures

brightroom event photography

I don't feel like I look like the chick in these pics, but she does look like she can kick a marathon's ass :D

Friday, March 26, 2010

Please

The View

Is the view so different
From where you are?
It's not that we have to see
Eye to eye
On everything
All that I ask
Is that we are careful
Not to blindside each other

Although now
I'm not even in your sights
Your periphery
Perhaps
I'm in your rearview mirror
Or do you not bother
To ever look back
And if you do
Do you sneer
As you look back
Grateful
For the mess you left behind
Or do you appreciate
The fact that I tried
And gave everything
I had to give
And would've given more
Just to know you
One more day

The view from here
It's lonely
And I have to stop
Looking back
To my happiest days
So that I don't lose my step
Again
I seem to keep
Tripping over myself
One of these days
It may not be so easy
To stand back up

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Letting Go

"Complications of the Heart"

I started this drawing what feels like lifetimes ago.  It was possibly even a blog ago, but I'm too lazy to go back and look (besides, I'm really supposed to be working).  I think I mentioned back then I never wanted this drawing to be finished.  I started it at such a happy time in my life.  I was in love with the man of my dreams, at a time when I dared not dream.  Against all odds I fell, hard and fast.  Too hard and too fast for my tortured self to handle.  Over the days and weeks and months I spent working on this piece there was fight after fight after fight.  Each one feeling worse than the last.  And this went on for six months after we officially broke-up.

After the last fight I wanted to tear this drawing apart.  Just rip it to shreds the way I felt my heart had been handled.  I am so glad that I didn't.  I am more resilient, my heart is more resilient.  It felt like dying because a part of me which had been so alive, so in love, did exactly that.  But I am so much more than the part that died.  Not only that, but my love, the love I have for him, that can't ever die.  I will hold it and cherish it for the rest of my days, for all the beauty and realization, creativity and inspiration, growth and maturation it brought to my life.  Through him and the love he once shared with me I made great strides in becoming the woman I've always wanted to be.

And so, as may be quite obvious to followers of this blog, it has been difficult for me to let go.  But here, finally, in declaring this drawing finished, in completing the most difficult marathon I've yet to run, in taking action instead of waiting and reacting, in accepting all that's come to pass along with the unknowns of the future, I'm letting go.

It's still an uphill battle for me but if I've learned anything in my lifetime, it's that things are always going to get harder.  And I will always rise to the challenge.  Because that's just the kind of woman I am.

So I ran a marathon


It was the most difficult marathon I've run to date, for a myriad of reasons.  I should feel good about finishing, about getting my best time to date, about showing-up for work the next day when I'd intended to take the day off.  I really should feel good about myself, about this accomplishment.  I suppose somewhere, deeper inside than I'm looking at this moment, I do.

I'm still suffering though.  I lost a lot in my life and have only myself to blame for it.  My dear ones all tell me it was never right, and that I'll see that someday.  They tell me I'm not entirely to blame.  But I know that it was, and I know that I am.  And he knows it too.

He closed the door finally.  And while that's a wonderful thing in the long run, it's what we both needed, being shut-out never feels good.  I gave it everything I had to give at the time, and it wasn't enough.  Or, perhaps, all I needed was to stop giving, and everything would've balanced out.

Anyway.  I ran a marathon.  Yay me. 

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Silly Me

I found myself thinking feeling like I don't want to be around people.  But that took me to such a lonely place.  And I realized that I was feeling sorry for myself.  I found myself feeling since he didn't want to be around me, didn't want to know me anymore, I must not be worth knowing.  Silly me.

I reached out tonight.  I called friends, old and new.  And you know what?  They wanted to be there for me.  They wanted to hear me cry (okay, maybe they didn't want to, but they didn't leave me hanging either).  They wanted to see me.

I love my friends.  And I love that they allow me to tell them that as much as I want.  They allow me the room to be who I am, instead of carving out a spot into which I have to fit myself.  And they tell me I've been acting stupid, yet they've never once said that's what I am.  And still, all these months, I've been ignoring them and following my heart.  Or really more like scooping it out and throwing it at a basket which is not only way too high, but vigorously defended.  Silly me.

It's just that I made that shot once.  And it felt so good.  And I've spent a year chasing that feeling.  But the basket went further and further away.  And the defense got tougher and tougher.  But still, I think to myself, practice makes perfect.  I can make it again, I just know it.  Silly me.


The worst part?  If I had the chance, I'd still try to make it in.  No matter how high it gets, no matter how vigorously it's defended, I believe if I try hard enough, I can make it happen.  And I'll always believe that it's worth it, all that effort.  I'll always believe, and I'll always put my heart out there.  Silly me. 

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Conversations with Abacus (#2)

Tonight Abacus and I got into a conversation which started with a discussion of different "Michael's". Michael Jackson came-up and he said he was in heaven. This started a discussion about heaven and who was there.  I said, "Do you know Grandma and Grandpa don't believe in heaven?" (which was meant to spark a discussion about Judaism), the following conversation ensued:

Abacus:  "So, they will when they get there."
Me:  "Oh, and when will that be?"
Abacus:  "In like one year.  Or maybe two."  *pause*  "Actually I think six...no...seven.  Seven or eight years."
Me:  "So what's my expiration date?"
Abacus:  "Oh that's not for ten thousand years."




Saturday, February 27, 2010

Random acts of kindness

I think we could all use a little more inspiration in our lives.  Last Sunday, out of the blue, I received an unexpected gift which lifted me out of a melancholy state and truly warmed my heart on a cold winter's day.  I wanted to write of it then, but life got in the way (work, kids, etc.) and also, for some reason, it's been hard for me to find the right words. 

But here I am at last, taking the time out of my day to thank @DJSID for sending me his album Atoms Apart.  I think part of my struggle with writing my thank you is that I'm no good at writing about music.  As such, I leave it to the artists themselves to speak on the album.





What I am good at writing about, is feeling.  This album feels like a sentimental journey through life and love spoken through relaxing and uplifting beats coupled with beautiful vocals and lyrics which are sparse yet deep.  This album feels like a sunny day after a week of cold rain.  This album feels like hope.  This album feels like inspiration.

My true and heartfelt gratitude goes out to DJSid and Pixieguts for sharing their hearts, through their music, with the world, and, especially, with me.


Monday, February 22, 2010

I'm listening

I want to hear
What you have to say
I want to know
More about your day
Connections
Keep me grounded
And without that
The thoughts
Circling
In my head
Cause me to drift away
So talk to me
I'm listening
To the words
To the music
To the world around me

I hear you

Friday, February 19, 2010

Hello Friday Night...Alone Again

Wake me, shake me

Wake me
Shake me
Get it through my head

Shoot me
Bury me
I'm better left for dead

Show me the future
That the past may not repeat itself
Or remind me of the past
So the future contains no old mistakes

Shake me
Take me
Chop off my head

Bury me
Carry me
Just free me from this dread

Monday, February 8, 2010

Sentimental Moments

Hello February 8, 2010.  I am reminded suddenly, of the passage of time.  And how I've been spending my days lately...why these are moments upon moments, days upon days I can never get back.  Yet even now, as I sit chastizing myself for my lack of strength and determination and inability to move on and enjoy these precious days which are so fleeting, tears fall and my heart is wounded and bleeding and as fervently as I want to change anything and everything to make it different, to at least feel different, there's nothing I can do but wait for the passage of time.

Because everyone has told me to let time pass.  I will feel better, just let time pass.  But I don't want to let time pass.  I'm wasting away...these days, these days are not fulfilling.  These days of me running, hiding, dodging yet still succumbing, in the end, to this weight on my shoulders called love which was once so light...but when his love died all the lightness left and it's such a burden to carry now.  At the end of the day I lay down, exhausted and out of breath, wondering how much longer this will continue. 

Every time I try to drop it, to leave it behind, to even think to give it to someone else...I see his face, I see his smile in my mind's eye and I feel the strength that this love once gave me and I think, let me just carry it a little longer.  Let me take it with me a little further.  I'm not ready to put it down yet, I just can't bring myself to leave it all behind.  And I guess my question is, are these really wasted moments? 

Or are these the moments where I prove to myself the strength, sincerity and depth of my love, of my ability to love.  I do believe that's what this is.  These are the moments that validate every happy time we ever had together, every word of love I ever wrote or spoke.  These are the moments that show me how strong I truly am, even though I feel so weak.  Surely this could all be easier, all I'd have to do, is have loved him less. 




Music, Music, Music...




...heal my soul, please.

Friday, February 5, 2010

This isn't me

This isn't who I am
I am not weak-minded
I am not emotionally inept
I am not insecure
I am not weepy
I am not the person you avoid eye contact with in the hopes she won't start up a conversation about how sad she is about Him

I am not this person
Who has surfaced
And is roaming around in my body
Dressing in my clothes
Breathing my air
This is not me

It doesn't look like me
It doesn't feel like me
It doesn't act like me

So please,
May I have me back now?

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

*mumble, mumble* morning y'all





I realize this isn't exactly a morning song but it's what I'm feeling this morning so here it is.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

This is not a test

This is not a test.  This is true love and oops, sorry, you failed.

What?  What do you mean I failed?  How can I fail at love?  I still love him.  I didn't fail.

Oh, okay then.  You lost.  Haha, you lost.

Yes, yes.  Loss.  That's what this feeling is.

Sucks, doesn't it?

I don't like your tone.  Why are you doing this to me?

Because everyone else is sick of you talking about it.  So now you get to talk to yourself. 

Damn.  You're right about that too.

You're gonna lose your job if you don't start concentrating on work.

I know, I know.  I just need a little more time.

People's patience with you is gone.  You've been a mess.  Get yourself together and move on with your life.

If it was that easy I would've done it already.

I'm sick of your excuses.  You're forgetting what it is to truly love.  True love involves letting go.  Channel your energy somewhere strong right now, into your body and your soul.  Your mind is weakened by loss, allow it time to heal.  Focus all that negative energy somewhere strong enough to handle it.

I can do that.

Of course you can.  No go finish your dictation and get your ass to the gym.

I will do that.

^__^

Okay, something funny ^__^

I'm funny so click on me but sorry if there's a 15 second commercial.

Promises

I will stop being depressed soon.

Promise.

Another day, I'm still here

Monday, February 1, 2010

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Another fitting tune



Brought to my consciousness by http://blip.fm/AlaskaLoneWolf and resonated enough to blog.

Yeah

Who's Next?

It used to be, when I would come out of a relationship, I would be anxious to find the next guy.  I hated the feeling of being alone, especially after being deeply involved with someone.  Of course, in this situation, there is never a "good" next.

This is the first time in my life, I don't want a next guy.  So who's next?  Me.  I'm next.  I am not going to distract myself from my sadness, my loss, by attempting to fill this gaping hole which has been left in my world.  I am going to allow myself to feel my way through these emotions, work them into pieces of art, writing, poetry.  I will not cheapen the love I've come to know by drowning my feelings the way I once would.  Nights of drinking, one night stands, meaningless "relationships". 

I found a strength through this love I didn't know existed inside of me.  I found wisdom that was inherent but forgotten.  I found a place in my heart that had been untouched, unrevealed.  It was the place that holds the key to personal happiness.  I found the beauty within.  And although I have to let go of him, I will never let go of all that I gained in loving him.  And I will never stop loving him.


Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Beautiful Day

It's a beautiful day
Somewhere,
Anyway

Right here
It's a little cloudly
It's a little busy
It's a little lonely

It's not supposed to be like this
Or is it?

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Conversations with Abacus (#1)

Abacus:  Did you know that Chinese people don't fart?
Me:  And where did you get this information?
Abacus:  My friend from China told me.
*pause*
Abacus:  Just kidding.  I looked it up on the internet.
Me:  That doesn't sound very realistic.
Abacus:  Just kidding.  Only Earth people fart.
Me:  Oh?  So Chinese people aren't from Earth?
Abacus:  No, they're from Pluto.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Reality

Shifting
Changing
Yet steadfast
Perspective injects itself
To change
The face
Of time

Time

That function of reality
Amorphous
And cruel

Wisdom

Comes with time
Which is fleeting
And never-ending

Where
Is the wisdom
Of my reality

I seek answers
To questions
I shouldn't even
Be asking

Answers
Which spin
My reality
Here
And there

What
Is the reality
Of love

Love

Was once
My reality
But
I lacked the wisdom
At that time
So now
There's only
Perspective
Which I can't
Even seem
To find

What is real?

Is it this moment
Is it our last interaction
Is it absence
Is it presence
Is it yesterday
Is it tomorrow

Is it the beginning
Or is it the end
Is it my mind
Or is it his
Is it pleasure
Or is it pain
Is it my loss
Or is it my gain

Reality is
Time is now
Wisdom is now mine
Love is now mine, forever

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Pieces of Me

I leave
Pieces of me
All over
To feel connected
With the world at large

My poems
Are pieces
Pieces of me

My drawings
Are pieces
Pieces of me

The most amazings pieces
I ever made
Are real life
Honest to goodness
Living
Breathing
Children

Which you may think
Is a feat
Anyone
Can undertake
But to embrace them
As pieces of you
And let them go
As pieces of you
That
My friend
Is  true art