Monday, August 31, 2015

Amazing

It's amazing to remember
How once
I honestly thought
YOU
Were the reason
I had endured
All the hardships
In my life

I thought
At one point
Everything bad in my life
Was to teach me
How to be good
For you
How to deserve
YOU

And now
Now I know
What you actually are
Is the punishment
For everything
I've ever done
Thought
Said
Or
Witnessed
That was bad
Ill intended
Or misguided

You are the reminder
Of my ability
To blind myself
To everything
But love

You
Are the reason
I cannot see
Beyond mistrust

You
Are the reason
My conscious mind
Rejects love
Even while
My heart
Cries out
In loneliness

You
The inescapable
Incomprehensible
Unyielding
Terror
Who broke my wings
Caged me
And then mocked me
As I tried to fly

Who fed me lies
And deceit
Thinking it would sustain me
And turned away
For me to starve
When you realized
It wasn't going to work

If I could remember
How to breathe
Right now
I'd scream.
And you'd hear it
You'd hear it
Ripping a hole
In your soul
Much like the one
I'm working so hard
To repair