Monday, February 28, 2011

I love you super much

This weekend I brought Sami with me into the office.  Ab was on a play date.  She wrote me this note, at which I barely glanced at the time as I said a generic thank you and went back to my work.  This morning I found it in a pile of  papers on my desk.

I never understood what it was to truly love someone, until I had my kids.  I never knew how to trust, with all my heart.  I never knew how to give, completely and unendingly.  And even now, even now I see I can forget.  Her heart is so open and her love is so pure.  She is so trusting and fearless with her love.  I have so much to learn from her.

When I grow-up, I want to be just like my daughter.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Right Now

Thanks @TSR.

A Moment

Moments like these
Only last a few moments
Unless you can find
The key
To opening your own heart
That place
Where the light shines
That place
Which illuminates
Your insides

That light
It's been so dim
In my eyes
The past few months
You could get lost
Looking for it
But if you were to stare
Long enough
You would've seen
I hadn't managed
To extinguish it
Just yet
(Not for lack of trying)

Where have I been
All this time
Within myself
Behind the walls
Of depression
I'd built
And worn
Like armor
To keep them away
To keep them at bay
Those moments
Those moments like these

I wanted nothing
To do with happiness
I wanted nothing
To do with personal growth
Fuck change for the better
Fuck maturity
Fuck being responsible
Fuck all the progress
And all the promises
I'd made
For myself
To myself
Fuck it all

If you were looking for me
That's where I was
And it's better
No one really came looking
Because I'd use that
As an excuse
To add another layer
Of armor
Another brick
To the wall

Moments like these
Only last a few moments
Until you can find
Within the fortification
The maze of defenses
You locked yourself inside
Thinking then
And only then
Were you safe

But spending
So much time
With yourself
You realize
The danger
Is not coming from the outside
It's coming from within

And now
Now you're stuck there
With yourself
You look to see
If you've left
Any chinks in the armor
Any cracks in the wall
Any place
Where you can reach
On the outside
To help pull you out

And then
You find
You've pushed them all away
They can't even see you anymore
Beneath the layers
Within the fortress
Behind the walls

And in that moment
Which looks so much like despair
You stumble upon hope
You trip over love
You fall into motivation
And it's your own
It's your moment
To know
Everything you've done
Can be undone
And in that moment
You've found the key
To open your heart
And let your light shine
Once again

Look into my eyes
This morning
You won't get lost
You'll find me there
Where I belong
In this moment
And I will work
To make this moment
Last longer
Than a moment