There are a lot of entries from 2012 because it was such a hard year I had to write practically every day. This one is edited a bit for other people's privacy.
"...I am in failure. The world is in failure. Your system has failed you. Now I see your problems exist not because one side of your conflict is right and the other is wrong, but because you're looking at each other as if you're in opposition. You are not. Neither of you has the answer... What you need to do is experience your misery so you can lift yourself up. Nature spirals in and out of failures, each one leading to the rebirth of something new. There's nothing final in failure, it moves into success, dark into the light and back again." from An Obese White Gentleman in No Apparent Distress pp. 237-8.
9:07 p.m.
I have somehow managed to misplace all of my pens so that I am currently misusing my art pen. Aikido was good tonight except somehow I hurt my groin. I have no idea how. I was fine in class.
I wanted to work late but I am exhausted. I will go in early tomorrow. Seriously early. Even though Ab will not be happy because I said I'd wake him up. Hopefully he'll be awake or wake-up a little when I get home.
....
I had a moment at my desk earlier today, I wanted more than anything else for Him to just hold me in his arms. It hurt me a lot, that moment. I used to feel like I belonged there. Like everything would be okay if I could just rest there from time to time. Who could have ever guessed the poison they were pumping into my body by their mere proximity. Those deceitful arms.
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