Thursday, December 31, 2015

My little loves,

New Year's Eve is coming to a close and it is the first one in quite a while (your whole lives?) when I haven't had you home.  I've missed you and though it may sound strange, I am grateful for the opportunity. Someday, perhaps, you'll come to understand that sentiment.

My heart swells at the memory of your sleepy smiles, energy rallying to toast the New Year and partake in your year's ration of alcohol.  It's funny how the excitement and joy of those moments steal away the natural tendency for introspection the New Year offers up.

This year I am surrounded by (relative) quiet and I have no distraction from my year end reflections. Once again, we weathered a great deal of change, our little family.  We were blessed a great deal by our family, friends and the universe.  We experienced tragedies in our immediate and world communities.  We found ways to connect and move forward and grow even (especially?) when it felt difficult.

I am moved by the daily love we provide one another.  I am so grateful and proud of you three.  I am proud of myself for being able to let you go, to let you grow, to let you know.  I watch in wonder as you prove to me that my best effort has been good enough.  My lack of perfection has not been your downfall, as Fear once told me it would be.  I am infinitely happy to see this.

Here's to a New Year, my heart holds you close though my arms cannot.