Saturday, February 27, 2010

Random acts of kindness

I think we could all use a little more inspiration in our lives.  Last Sunday, out of the blue, I received an unexpected gift which lifted me out of a melancholy state and truly warmed my heart on a cold winter's day.  I wanted to write of it then, but life got in the way (work, kids, etc.) and also, for some reason, it's been hard for me to find the right words. 

But here I am at last, taking the time out of my day to thank @DJSID for sending me his album Atoms Apart.  I think part of my struggle with writing my thank you is that I'm no good at writing about music.  As such, I leave it to the artists themselves to speak on the album.

What I am good at writing about, is feeling.  This album feels like a sentimental journey through life and love spoken through relaxing and uplifting beats coupled with beautiful vocals and lyrics which are sparse yet deep.  This album feels like a sunny day after a week of cold rain.  This album feels like hope.  This album feels like inspiration.

My true and heartfelt gratitude goes out to DJSid and Pixieguts for sharing their hearts, through their music, with the world, and, especially, with me.

Monday, February 22, 2010

I'm listening

I want to hear
What you have to say
I want to know
More about your day
Keep me grounded
And without that
The thoughts
In my head
Cause me to drift away
So talk to me
I'm listening
To the words
To the music
To the world around me

I hear you

Friday, February 19, 2010

Hello Friday Night...Alone Again

Wake me, shake me

Wake me
Shake me
Get it through my head

Shoot me
Bury me
I'm better left for dead

Show me the future
That the past may not repeat itself
Or remind me of the past
So the future contains no old mistakes

Shake me
Take me
Chop off my head

Bury me
Carry me
Just free me from this dread

Monday, February 8, 2010

Sentimental Moments

Hello February 8, 2010.  I am reminded suddenly, of the passage of time.  And how I've been spending my days lately...why these are moments upon moments, days upon days I can never get back.  Yet even now, as I sit chastizing myself for my lack of strength and determination and inability to move on and enjoy these precious days which are so fleeting, tears fall and my heart is wounded and bleeding and as fervently as I want to change anything and everything to make it different, to at least feel different, there's nothing I can do but wait for the passage of time.

Because everyone has told me to let time pass.  I will feel better, just let time pass.  But I don't want to let time pass.  I'm wasting away...these days, these days are not fulfilling.  These days of me running, hiding, dodging yet still succumbing, in the end, to this weight on my shoulders called love which was once so light...but when his love died all the lightness left and it's such a burden to carry now.  At the end of the day I lay down, exhausted and out of breath, wondering how much longer this will continue. 

Every time I try to drop it, to leave it behind, to even think to give it to someone else...I see his face, I see his smile in my mind's eye and I feel the strength that this love once gave me and I think, let me just carry it a little longer.  Let me take it with me a little further.  I'm not ready to put it down yet, I just can't bring myself to leave it all behind.  And I guess my question is, are these really wasted moments? 

Or are these the moments where I prove to myself the strength, sincerity and depth of my love, of my ability to love.  I do believe that's what this is.  These are the moments that validate every happy time we ever had together, every word of love I ever wrote or spoke.  These are the moments that show me how strong I truly am, even though I feel so weak.  Surely this could all be easier, all I'd have to do, is have loved him less. 

Music, Music, Music...

...heal my soul, please.

Friday, February 5, 2010

This isn't me

This isn't who I am
I am not weak-minded
I am not emotionally inept
I am not insecure
I am not weepy
I am not the person you avoid eye contact with in the hopes she won't start up a conversation about how sad she is about Him

I am not this person
Who has surfaced
And is roaming around in my body
Dressing in my clothes
Breathing my air
This is not me

It doesn't look like me
It doesn't feel like me
It doesn't act like me

So please,
May I have me back now?

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

*mumble, mumble* morning y'all

I realize this isn't exactly a morning song but it's what I'm feeling this morning so here it is.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

This is not a test

This is not a test.  This is true love and oops, sorry, you failed.

What?  What do you mean I failed?  How can I fail at love?  I still love him.  I didn't fail.

Oh, okay then.  You lost.  Haha, you lost.

Yes, yes.  Loss.  That's what this feeling is.

Sucks, doesn't it?

I don't like your tone.  Why are you doing this to me?

Because everyone else is sick of you talking about it.  So now you get to talk to yourself. 

Damn.  You're right about that too.

You're gonna lose your job if you don't start concentrating on work.

I know, I know.  I just need a little more time.

People's patience with you is gone.  You've been a mess.  Get yourself together and move on with your life.

If it was that easy I would've done it already.

I'm sick of your excuses.  You're forgetting what it is to truly love.  True love involves letting go.  Channel your energy somewhere strong right now, into your body and your soul.  Your mind is weakened by loss, allow it time to heal.  Focus all that negative energy somewhere strong enough to handle it.

I can do that.

Of course you can.  No go finish your dictation and get your ass to the gym.

I will do that.


Okay, something funny ^__^

I'm funny so click on me but sorry if there's a 15 second commercial.


I will stop being depressed soon.


Another day, I'm still here

Monday, February 1, 2010