Day Thirty-Five: 02/04/2012

 02/04/2012

7:57 a.m.

    It's been very hectic, this life of mine.  Randy's mom has been really sick with her heart and ended-up in the hospital...

    I took the children to my parent's house.  My boss was nice enough to let me have the day off to go see her.  Well, to take Randy.  She hadn't told any of her friends so she was there all alone.  If Randy and I hadn't gotten there she would've been alone all morning.  I feel as though we did a really good thing, and I'm happy for that...

    When I dropped the kids off, I told my parents the extremely abridged version of me and Nexen's Dad.  They didn't really know what to say.  Not a surprise.  They seemed sympathetic I guess, it's hard to tell with them.  They didn't put it on me, at least not to my face, for being stupid, etc.  So that's really the best I could hope for.  My wrist is going numb as I'm writing.  😢

    Anyway the whole reason I started to write this morning was to do more work on forgiveness.  There are two main people I need to forgive.  Sal and my parents.  Yeah, my parents count as one person because that's how I see them.  I am still hopeful that someday I might meet someone who completes my life in such a way our children see us as one unit like that.

    Anyway, Chapter 3 of my forgiveness book, "Why Forgive and the Consequences of Not Forgiving" (That's the chapter title, not the book title), instructs you to write down your answer to the question, "Why forgive?".

    I want to forgive because I feel like anger and resentment are keeping me from evolving spiritually.  I want to forgive because I want my children to learn by example.  I want to forgive because I believe the world/universe is ruled by love and compassion, and every step I take away from that keeps me disconnected.  I want to forgive because I want to feel better about myself and my relationshiops.  I want to forgive because I WANT TO STOP HURTING!