04/07/2020
9:30ish p.m.
Well it's been less than a year. That's better than three years at least. I'm going to read the last entry quickly, for the purpose of continuity and also, to appease my curiosity.
Okay, so that was quite the entry. I made myself cry, although that's not very hard to do - as you are well aware.
I wasn't always so emotional, but it doesn't mean I didn't feel. It just meant I didn't react. Not reacting deprived me of a lot of comfort and advice at times in my life when I really needed it. Even though you kids laugh and make fun of me, or get scared or uncomfortable at times when the emotion is extreme, I am happy I express emotion now. Because it was tearing my insides apart to hold it in.
Anyway the world has been taken over by a virus. We have spent the last month all quarantined together. It's actually been really wonderful for me in certain ways - so incredibly difficult in others. You're the only one who gets to go out on a regular basis. You are getting lots of hours at work though, so that's good.
You just celebrated your one year anniversary with Kim.
You are still the most amazing big brother and oldest son. Life feels calm desipite the storm, and I think that's because we all feel safe and happy together for the most part.
I know you deal with a lot. We still don't talk too much. But when things get serious, we manage. I will keep trying to do better. You just keep loving us through our faults. It will all work out in the end.
Love,
Mama
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