Thursday, January 28, 2010

Who's Next?

It used to be, when I would come out of a relationship, I would be anxious to find the next guy.  I hated the feeling of being alone, especially after being deeply involved with someone.  Of course, in this situation, there is never a "good" next.

This is the first time in my life, I don't want a next guy.  So who's next?  Me.  I'm next.  I am not going to distract myself from my sadness, my loss, by attempting to fill this gaping hole which has been left in my world.  I am going to allow myself to feel my way through these emotions, work them into pieces of art, writing, poetry.  I will not cheapen the love I've come to know by drowning my feelings the way I once would.  Nights of drinking, one night stands, meaningless "relationships". 

I found a strength through this love I didn't know existed inside of me.  I found wisdom that was inherent but forgotten.  I found a place in my heart that had been untouched, unrevealed.  It was the place that holds the key to personal happiness.  I found the beauty within.  And although I have to let go of him, I will never let go of all that I gained in loving him.  And I will never stop loving him.

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