He sent me flowers yesterday. The card read,"I'm Sorry, Please Forgive Me And Let's Talk. I Wouls (sic) Never Betray Or Deceive You. I'm Loyal And Dedicated To You Forever. I Love You. Adonis."
I wanted to print out all the screenshots and mail them to with his hypocritical card.
I look again and again at the pictures in my phone. I read his words to these women. I look at the photographs they sent him and he sent them. And my HEART BREAKS AGAIN AND AGAIN. Over and over it breaks. Over and over.
I do this so I don't forget, not for one second, how little regard the man I was going to marry has for me. Because my heart wants all this hurt to go away with a hug and a kiss and a promise that everything will be different. But I know I can't ever be with him again. But my heart and my body yearn for him. They had been given over to him 100%. My intuitive mind, it tried to tell me but it wasn't strong enough.
I curse myself for not seeing it earlier. For putting myself through this. For spending all my money going to visit his family. For still, even now, wanting nothing more than for this to be a dream from which I wake-up and we're in love again and there's no undercurrent of philandering.
But, alas, there probably never was a time he wasn't doing this to me. And I don't even know if he's just been catfishing or if he's actually seeing some or all of these women.
And now I feel sick all over again. But that's what it takes for me to stay strong. I just have to keep facing that pain, again and again. Losing my trust, over and over. Breaking my heart, until it's so exhausted, he is purged from it and has no power over me.
I have a long way to go. *sigh*
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment