Diary of Heartbreak: Entry Twelve

 I am hurting.  

Last night, after everyone left the office, a deep sadness overtook me and I cried for an hour and half.  It was a kid night, but I was crumpled on the floor in front of the coats and I couldn't move until, finally, I called a friend for backup and he talked me up off the floor.  Which, interestingly, he did by telling me to stay on the floor.  Not exactly that, but I'm summarizing here.

Talking to him, I got angry, and the anger lifted me up off the floor and guided me, step by step, to the door of my apartment.  And then I released it all so I could be quasi-functional for the children. 

Last night was tough but I needed to get a good work-out in so I could get out of my head for a bit.  In a healthy way.  But first I had to get Nexen to bed, then clean the living room, then wash all the dishes.  So it ended-up being a later night than I had hoped considering I didn't sleep all that well the night before but I knew I didn't sleep the night before because I had skipped my evening workout and so there we were.  I worked out, and I slept well, albeit not for all that long.

I only worked on my puzzle for about five minutes after my shower.  I hope to have more time to work on it tonight, but we will see how tonight goes.  I have counseling and I have managed three days in a row accomplishing my golden triangle (completing all my morning, afternoon and evening tasks on my app), and that all takes time.  But I want to work on it, so I should be able to hopefully find the time.

I love him so deeply.  So deeply that the hurt feels like it will never end.  

I am not okay.

💧 (<= teardrop, not water dripping from a faucet)