Yeah, so it's been difficult. After I wrote that last entry, I took a peek in my deleted emails and found he sent me two on Sunday.
My desire to see him, to just hear his voice, it has not been lifted. But neither has my memory of the pain he caused. So, the battle continues. My heart fills and swells with love and I deflate it with reality.
I am so close to finishing my puzzle. It is such a creative release for me. As I work to find the right piece I cannot help but make the parallel to the puzzle that is my love life. Here I had this piece that looked and seemed just perfect, but it was just a little bit off. And I tried...I put all my work on myself and my family on hold trying to fit this man in...only to realize that little bit off meant a whole, whole lot.
My deepest wish is that he is still a piece that will fit. Just later. When he's figured himself out a bit more. And when I have completed more of my puzzle. But I don't want to get stuck trying to fit the wrong piece at the wrong time. I want to keep working so I can see the whole picture. I know it's just going to be so beautiful. And maybe I will find that piece fits in another place, and I will have to leave it there and move on to the next piece. Either way, I just need to keep working on it. On me. On realizing beauty and not dwelling in pain. Life is too short.
You know?
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