Day Ninety! 03/31/2016

 Thursday, March 31st

9:40 a.m.

I'm at acupuncture.  Yay!  It's not Eva but that's okay.  Cara is newer but it is still helpful and she's loosely categorized as a friend.  :)

So I haven't been good with communicating with you this week.  Mainly because I don't know how to be honest about how I am feeling but not leave you hanging in the lurch because I don't have time to discuss it.

Maybe acupuncture this morning and an early day at work will resolve things.

10:50 a.m.

I'm feeling pretty awesome!  Yay!  Planning a long run tonight too so we'll see.  Maybe with my head clear all of this confusion will fade away to nothing.

Day Eighty-Nine: 03/30/2020

03/30/2020

Evening time

Dear R,

    So things have NOT been super fantastic.  Work stressed me the F out today which is extra annoying because I am not getting paid to be stressed.  I am not getting paid at all.

    I am about to bake cookies with Sami though because her brothers stressed her out.  It's nice that I can do that at least.

    I miss you and I hope you are doing well.  Healthwise and spiritwise and soulwise.  

    I have seriously gained 10-15 pounds in the last two months.  Just over the last two days have I begun to take actual steps to reverse that.

    Life is complicated.

                                                                                Love,  Mee

Day Eighty-Eight: 03/29/2012

 03/29/2012

1:10 p.m.

    Taking a little break from work to drink my medicinal herbs.  I feel as though they've helped a lot.  I feel wonderful right now.  Peaceful and optimistic.  Proud of myself, my body, my kids and my baby.  This weekend I want to do more nesting.  I am so excited for this next month and I am also praying it doesn't go too fast.

    My thoughts of Him have turned from dark to light.  It is a huge relief for me and the baby.  I am so thankful for the quiet.

    Life is good.

    Oh, and Elton is making his presence known in my life.  On the one hand it is comforting.  On the other it is scary.  I'm not sure if his timing is perfect or horribly wrong.  His energy is good and positive so I will remain open to him for now.  I pray I can raise my children with the emotional intelligence to not have these hardships.  All mine will then be worth it.

Day Eighty-Seven: 03/28/1997

28 March 1997

1:15 a.m.

Who am I?

I am not a name.  I am not a gender.  I am not a race.  I am not an age.  I am not an IQ.  I am not a category.

So who am I?

I am not good.  I am not bad.  I am not honest.  I am not a liar.

I am not a quality.

So who am I?

Day Eighty-Six: 03/27/2016

 Sunday, March 27, 2016

10:54 p.m.

    So I'm a bit surprised to see I have gone two weeks without writing, but it has been a long two weeks.  Long and busy.  So maybe I mean a short two weeks.  

    Sami's birthday, Randy moving in, Nexen getting sick, me drinking too much too many times...I haven't been making a lot of great decisions lately.  I have to step-up and slow down at the same time.

    

Day Eighty-Five: 03/26/2021

 03/26/2021

9:39 p.m.

"Can you name every sound you are hearing right now?"

Bob's Burgers.  Cars outside.  Pen on paper.  Breathing

                                                                                                💗Mee

Just for fun, I will do the same thing now.  (03/13/2022 @ 11:59 a.m.).

Refrigerator hum.  Me typing.  Nexen watching YouTube in the bedroom.  Breathing.

Day Eighty-Four: 03/25/2020

 03/25/2020

9:33 AM

Good Morning R!

    I am feeling a bit better than yesterday, although I did not make much progress on my to-do list.  Today is another opportunity to get it right.

    I was able to fall asleep a little earlier last night so I feel like that will help kickstart a better more productive circadian rhythm.  

    I hope you are faring well.  I imagine life is a little more normal since you still get to leave the house and go to work.  Abacus went to work yesterday.  He is an "essential food service worker".  Life is so strange right now.

    I am currently listening to a meditation about "shempa".  Which is basically our default urge in the space of unpleasantness.  I should probably listen to this one more often.

    The quote of the day on my meditation app is, "Let difficulty transform you.  And it will.  In my experience, we just need help in learning how not to run away."

    Anyway, I think I am starting to turn around my downward spiral.  Being able to stay grateful is a huge part of that.  Staying on track with my journaling is also a key component to my sanity and mental health.  So thank you again for this journal and being my inspiration to do better.

                                                                                                                I love you,

                                                                                                                   Mee