Friday, February 15, 2013


When I was young(er), I used to think happiness was like bubbles.  Pretty to look at, but never meant to last.  Floating around any which way the wind would blow, popping when you tried to catch and hold it.  I would see people who could catch bubbles on their wand and hold them for long periods of time.  I thought this was a neat trick, but exactly that, a trick.

I never understood that happiness had depth, and roots.  I guess because I, myself, lacked depth and roots.  This all changed when I became pregnant with Abacus.  Suddenly I was having the first growth spurt of my life.  Physically, spiritually, emotionally.  My journey toward understanding true happiness began with Abacus.

Happiness became a seed.  Requiring light, love, the right conditions, happiness  continues to multiply.  But when neglected and forgotten, like a seedling, happiness will crumble and decay.  

Sometimes, life can become stressful.  We can forget about our imperative, to feed and maintain our happiness, and then growth becomes stagnant.  Generally, life will cycle naturally, to maintain a certain balance.  We have moments of forgetting, and moments of remembering.  Sometimes, however, life will spiral.  Up, or down, or up and down in quick succession.

In these moments of spiraling upward, we may think ourselves happier than we have ever been.  But euphoria is not happiness.  Happiness requires growth.  In our moments of spiraling downward, we may think happiness has died forever.  It is here in this seemingly dark and lifeless place that we learn what real happiness is. 

Today, I am happier than I have ever been in my entire life.  This is because I have been working harder than I ever have to not only grow, but to maintain happiness.  I am proud of what I have accomplished, and enthusiastic about my future, despite all the storm clouds looming just on the horizon.

I love what I've become.  I hate that so many people got hurt in the process, myself included.  But I can see very clearly where I'm going now.  And it's the most beautiful place I've ever seen.

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