Letters from the Past: February 25, 2010

This morning I took a little trip down memory lane and came across a letter I wrote to Abacus a little over a year and a half ago.  I thought it blog-worthy.  

Hi baby.  Today we had a mama-son day.  Sami stayed at Mom Mom's because we had our millionth snow day this winter.  But you wanted to stay with me and go to work.  We went to dinner at Hoof and Fin and you were hilarious.  I really enjoyed spending time with you even though you weren't on your best behavior at my work.

You are determined to get your ear pierced.  I posted an update on Facebook and was it was interesting to read the responses.  You know I'm inclined to let you do what you want and especially in terms of expressing your individuality.  Even though in this case it's largely because your sister has gotten her ears pierced.

Things have been a bit difficult for me this winter.  There were days when I felt like you and your sister were the only things I had in my life for which to live.  I share this because I know in your life you'll become depressed at certain times.  I want you to know how deeply I understand and hope you believe me when I tell you everything's going to be okay.

Here's the heart of the matter - the deeper you allow yourself to love, the more it's going to hurt when love changes.  But being open is the key to a fulfilling life.  There will be someone who never wants to hurt you, who only wants to love you.  And you'll likely go through many relationships before you find this balance.  The one thing I ask you is when you find her, don't let her go if you love her and she loves you back.  Even if on occasion you hurt each other by accident or by circumstance.  

I hope when the time comes you understand what I'm telling you.  I've known a lot of pain in my life, and there is NOTHING worse than not being able to be open to receive the love of the one person you'd really give anything to be with in the end.  It's a cruel twist of fate, these lessons in love, and I know you'll have plenty of your own but I just hope for you happiness like I shared with my Shawn and wisdom enough to see how to navigate through your emotions to come to a place of balance in order to find a way to maintain the love before it twists and turns away from  you.

Above all, listen to your heart and if she gives you hers, listen to hers too.  There's music to be heard.

I love you,

Mama