August 25, 2008

You know
There's this
Part of me
This
Straight up
Good heart
In me
Which
Is obscured
By all
The bad thoughts
I think
Of myself

And still
Sometimes
I shine
With
An inexplicable
Beauty
Which makes
People
Think things
And
Feel things
I don't
Understand

And all throughout
My history
I've had
People
Believe
In me
Except
The ones
I knew
The best

And it's funny
How that
Sticks with you
The opinions of
A selected few
And beats
You down
Over the course
Of your life

And I knew
I wanted
To disassociate
And learn
Of something
To make me
Great
And worthy
And loved

But you know
I spent years
Looking
And years
Running
And now
I'm tired
Of
Self-examination

But
My legs
Are still
Strong
And the
Urge
To run
Is miles long
And I know
I can outrun
My past
At long last

Yet
I find myself
Standing still
Biding my time
Examining my mind
For reality
Beyond perception
For true
Fucking
Comprehension
Of this girl
Of this woman
Of this life
Of this family
And all that is
Important to me

I've made
My life
A battlefield
Because
I lacked
The strength
To resolve
My inner struggle
And inner peace
Brings balance
And I was
Finding my way
On the right path
Perhaps
Once
Some time ago
But my brain
Confuses quiet
And emptiness
And does not
Allow
The peace
To stay
For fear
Of becoming
Brain dead

August 12, 2008

There was a note
In the song
Of a bird
In a tree
A single note
Which spoke
Volumes
To me
It said
Lady,
Sometimes
In life
Not even love
Is free
And this
Simplest
Of songbirds
This one
Single
Note
Spoke more
Of my misfortune
Than I
Ever
Wrote

Summer, 2008

And the days pass
And my resolve lasts
Only as long as my memories
Are colored and fanciful
An imaginary hue
As long as my memories
Are distorted of you
Of him, of our life together
It was months over years
A function of time
A fraction of life
A majority of my mind
And the realness creeps back
Into my peripheral vision
Vision which had blinders
Since the division
Of our life
Into neat little compartments
Of our time
Into parcels of child care
How strange to turn children
Into a time share
But so long as they remember
Each day our love
Which once was so powerful
It rained gifts from above
Lives inside their hearts
And beats there as one
And they are the blessings
We call daughter and son
This time we deem troubled
Will reveal blessings doubled
In the form of parents
Happy and free
To discover their own paths
Which were simply too narrow
To walk side by side
And experience growth
We both wanted to lead
Neither to follow
And the lesson I've learned
Is of strength and of pride
Is of love and respect
Is that to be real
It doesn't need to be perfect
Forever
As long as you know
Which ties to sever
And when
Everyone's life can be whole again

October 6, 2008

He draws me
Large
And smiling
And I'm
So thankful
I'm always happy
In his mind


I asked him
Tonight
To tell me
About his day
And he responded
By saying
He wouldn't answer
Until I gave him
Something he wanted

How young
He is
To have learned
To hold my love
Hostage
To get what he wants

Later in the night
When he didn't
Want me to leave
He graced me with a response
And I wanted to lie there
And talk about his day
Forever

But my train was coming
And he was up past his bedtime
So I left him
As I do
So many more nights
Than I ever thought I could stand
But I do
Because I have no other choice

The price I've paid
For being reckless
With my life
Is losing
The only beautiful thing
I've ever made
And it just isn't getting any easier

Although I'm coming to know the routine
And a certain numbness in my brain
Does serve to help me maintain
This harrowing schedule
These points of departure

And how I do cherish
And live
In each moment
I spend with them

Although I admit
The day to day would leave me weary
I like to think
I wasn't entirely ungrateful
For what I had
When we were whole

Who is it...

Truth in Music

...