Wednesday Morning

Good morning, Brain.

Good morning, Heart.  Well, you've really gone and done it now, haven't you?

Yeah.

Are you happy with yourself?

No, not at all.  But where were you in all this?

Oh, believe me, I was busy warning you as always.  As always, you chose to ignore me.

Oh.

Yeah.

This loneliness is so vast.

I know.  But we're doing the right thing now.  I know how hard it is for you to let go.  I'm very proud of the strength you showed last night.

Thank you.  But would I have not felt more full waking-up next to him this morning?

No.  His presence is a placebo.  You know he will just leave and go home to her.  The happiness you feel when he is with you only amplifies the sadness you feel when he has gone back to her.

Oh Brain, how did I not see this coming?  Everybody warned me.

Because, my Heart, you are too trusting and giving and sincere where others are not.

Brain, I long for him.

You will.  Every day for the rest of your life.

*sigh*  I know I am strong, but I feel weak.

All the more reason to stay away from him.

This is such the antithesis of what I saw coming.

No, Heart, you are never able to see these things coming.  You just throw yourself all in and then, after, you look back and understand how things could have been different.

I know.  I was so attracted by his foresight.  And ability to plan.

And he was likely attracted by your impetuousness.  Looks like you won.

Funny, I don't feel much like a winner.

Heart, let me explain something to you.  I have never understood you, for all my intelligence and logic, you have always defied me.  Yet I admire that you are so strong that no matter what is thrown at you in life, you find a way to love again.  And with such reckless abandon it dizzies me sometimes.  For all we have been through, and all we have yet to achieve in our life, I stand behind you one hundred percent.  Even when you are foresaken by all others.

Thank you, Brain.  I am lucky to have you.  Thank you for not abandoning me.

How, dear Heart, could I ever do that?  There is no other love such as yours.

Well, there is one.

We will see about that.

Musical Morning

Good morning ^__^

Haiku You

Morning comes early
Emerge from blanket cocoon
Not a butterfly

Dear Abacus and Samurai,

In your lives so far you have learned many things.  For this I am so very proud of you.  I am not always proud, however, of the things I inadvertently teach you.  I just hope that you learn good lessons from my life's struggles.  Lessons which you do not have to replicate yourself to truly understand!

So much of what I learned about love, true love, I learned from you two.  As a matter of fact, the love we share highlights the imperfections in the other loves I have known in my life.  

I have taught you that marriages sometimes end.  I hope what you take away from that is, above and beyond everything else, you need to realize your own happiness.  If you are unhappy, you are depriving everyone you love in your life of the happiness that they know you possess, and, therefore, a portion of their own happiness.  I hope that you learn that we did try to make things work, and in doing so, came to understand our best path to secure everyone's present and future happiness, was away from each other.

I used to count my marriage amongst my failures.  But how can I count something as a failure which had such an amazing result.  I hope you can see what I now see, my marriage with your father as a necessary passage to great personal growth and understanding.  A huge step toward actualizing a woman that you can forever be proud to call your mother.  Something to know about me, I have a lot of energy, and to keep it positive, I need positive growing experiences.  When I stagnate, my energy becomes negative, and it can suck me down quite quickly.  And when someone else's energy is negative either in general or toward me, the downward spiral is nearly inescapable.

In my life I have so much hope.  Hope that was missing for so long and largely born (or reborn) out of creating and growing and loving you two.  It has been renewed tenfold by a new love in my life.  And what I want to say is this.  I hope to show you, by example, how to build and grow new love instead of continuing to show you endings.  I hope to give you back all of the important lessons you have taught me (or perhaps reminded me), at any times you may forget (this happens to the best of us).  

And I hope, beyond all other hope, that you NEVER know the pain of loneliness that I have known.  Because, always, my babies, ALWAYS, I hope my words and actions allow you to remember and keep me close the way I will always keep you close.

Love,

Mama

 

Funtastic Photos from Pizza Night

Breakfast