Saturday Morning Melancholy

I am lost

And everything hurts

I’m back at the start

All the endings stacked

So that I can’t see

Have no desire to look

For new beginnings

I am alone

My brain knows I am not

But my heart cries out

YES YOU ARE

And the quiet morning 

Echoes my loneliness 

And the solitary tear

Threatens to drop

Even as I hold it back

Afraid of a floodgate

Steeped in pain

Drenched in sadness

I force motivation 

Into my limbs

Get dressed

Go to work

Wear that smile

So my pain doesn’t spread 

Hate myself for continuing 

Hate myself for wanting to be dead

Hate myself for hurting

Hate myself for not wanting to heal

Can I force my arms to open

And accept the beauty

In my life

Can I force my mind to open

And hold happiness

Over strife

Can I force my heart to open 

I just don’t think

I can