Monday

Today felt like a hangover
But I didn't have a drink
It felt like a cold night
With wet blankets
It felt like everything
Was just
Slightly
Off
And honestly
At this point
I just want it to be over

And I think about
How many nights
Until I get to wake-up
Next to you
Or even
Just lay down
Beside you
And it's depressing

But then I think
About my life
Before you
And I realize
I should just
Be fucking grateful
I've come this far

Yet resentment
Courses through
And explodes out
Angrily
And it's unfair
Of course
To let it explode
All over them
Because it's not their fault
They don't trust me
And,
By extension,
Him
It's my fault
And I know that
I feel it
So deeply

I just wish
They could see
Feel
Understand
The difference
Between who I was
Just a few months ago
And who I am becoming

Except
Of course
They can't see it now
They won't see it now
Because it's not there anymore
Now I'm just afraid

I can't be there
And he'll get tired of waiting
And it's not that I'll be back where I started
Because I'm evolving
And it's not that I won't find happiness again
Because I know I would
It's just that we were working
And it was challenging, just to get there
But we persevered
And it's a shame
For all that effort
To have been wasted
So to speak

Anyway,
Monday's almost over
And I'll soon be asleep
So hopefully tomorrow
The sun will be shining
In my heart
Instead of the draining rain