It's Weird

It's weird

You know

Sifting through my past

Pages and pages

Of relationships

That didn't last

Triumphs 

Failures

Letters to myself

Letters to my kids

Even letters to men

Me thinking

I should be better off

Now, than then

In some ways I am

In others

Not at all

I don't think

Those years

I didn't drink

I was in so much pain

The years

When I did

I was in so much pain

I'm looking for something

I realize

Some sort of clue

Some sort of offering

A pathway

Or directive

Where to go

What to do

I'm grasping

But not at straws

More like

The hope

In those moments

I pause

The realizations

I soon forget

The happiness

I sometimes regret

I'm looking for Mee

That common thread

The girl

Turned woman

Then back to a girl

In these moments

My world starts to swirl

I lose my balance

My faith

My direction

I lose my heart

My mind

My connection

I'm looking for Mee

Glimpses of she

The woman

I must 

Have thought I could be

Because otherwise

I wouldn't be here.