Birds in Philadelphia

The music pauses
Birdsong takes its place

On my walk home

(From the hospital)

There were two dead birds

On the same block

My thoughts flashed over them

As I was walking

Returns now

As I hear survivors

Vibrant and alive

Or panicked and alone

I can't tell

I haven't spoken

To quite enough birds

To know

I know

That a part of my heart

Is dying

Right now

In a hospital bed

Or surviving

But not vibrant

And

Tired of struggling

I try to bring laughter

To the room

Just once a visit

She looks at me

As though I've lost my mind

What place

Does laughter have

In that room?

Laughter

Is the echo of hope

The enunciation of joy

She's forgotten

How to laugh

And that's okay

I sit next to her

As a reminder

If she cares

To recognize it

May the 4th

14 years ago

We made our debut

Mother and son

From one

We became two

From me

Emerged you

A poem

Doesn't start

As a blank page

It starts

As a spark

A firing neuron

You

Didn't begin life

As an empty vessel

You

Were created

When love raged

Nine months later

That love had passed

But our love

Will always last

I used to witness

So many firsts

Everything

Was new to you

Now

I beg for tidbits

About your day

Knowing

You're still

Having firsts

Thirsty

For news of them

But relegated

To provider

Of food

And pocket money

I'm tempted

To buy a car

Just so 

I can spend

More time

With you

(leaving this poem unfinished for now...)

14 years!

Happy Birthday Nexen!

Lime Jello

 It's a strange thing.  I was reading yesterday and the protagonist in the book was going through a tough time and went to a bar for jello shots, they were green. (Amusingly, I am also going through a tough time and I was at a bar reading.  No jello shots though.  I was drinking my usual neat bourbon.)  Then I'm reading today, in Ray Bradbury's "Dandelion Wine", and there's a lime jello reference.

Although my mother did occasionally make us jello as a treat in my youth (she would make anything that was instant or three ingredients or less), it's not even close to a comfort food for me.  It just struck me as such a weird coincidence that there were two green jello references in as many days.

Anyway it's a far more pleasant thing to write about than just about anything else going on in my life these days.  If there's a third, disparate reference to green jello within the next 24 hours, however, I am going to go buy some green jello and make it.  Just because.  Whether I eat it, that's immaterial.  Perhaps I'll make shots.

Minds and Mirrors

I've been sifting

Through mirror illusions

Of myself

At times

Having to punch

The mirror

To find

What's real

In the end

Only my mind

Interprets

My reality

And so

I've set about

Strengthening 

My mind

So that every time

The wind changes

My reality

Is not

Blown

Away

Metal Monkey

I misplaced

My dreams

(Again)

And watch

(Feeling)

Powerless

As my (inner) world

Starts to

Freeze

And I

Do

Nothing

Although

Sometimes

I drink

About it

And then

The outstretched 

Hand

Not knowing

Really 

What it's offering

Other than

Connection

And

After ignoring

So many

I grabbed it

And

I find myself

(Again)

Unstuck

Hmmm

Imagine that.

The Woman in the Mirror

I remember hating you.

I remember allowing you to live in pain.

Thinking you deserve it.

I remember allowing the sadness to swallow you.

I remember wishing to see someone, anyone else.

Thinking it must be easier.

I remember, because it was yesterday.

Today, I look upon your face, and beg you to forget.

I ask you to find it, inside yourself, to be more.

To love.

To find freedom.

Your voice.

To forgive.

To silence the negativity within.

To swallow peace to soothe the pain.

To seek happiness, not distraction.

To see yourself, woman in the mirror,

And be happy for what you see.

I beg you.

Problematically

I love 

The feel 

Of the night

I hold

Entropy

In my arms

Allowing it

To take me

Spread me thin

Equalize me

As I whisper

To gravity

Keep me 

Grounded 

And I wink

At kinesthetics

Asking it

To move me

I smile

At the thought of you

Defying physics

Logic

And time

I don't remember

Making you mine

Or you

Making me yours

But here we are