Problematically

I love 

The feel 

Of the night

I hold

Entropy

In my arms

Allowing it

To take me

Spread me thin

Equalize me

As I whisper

To gravity

Keep me 

Grounded 

And I wink

At kinesthetics

Asking it

To move me

I smile

At the thought of you

Defying physics

Logic

And time

I don't remember

Making you mine

Or you

Making me yours

But here we are

Some Nights

I find myself
Doubled over
Asking to be saved
Or forgiven

I ask

To be set free

Even as

I have no idea

What that means

I beg angels

To let me go

Because I know

They've been saving me

I ask gods

To pass judgment

Because I know

They've been letting me slide

And even as

Friends

My angels

Let me go

And even as

My children

Gods to me

Pass judgment

I still know

I owe more

Than what is being asked

Of me

And I don't 

Understand

How to reconcile that

I just have

My bleeding heart

My open mind

My curious nature

My nurturing hand

And the world just

Shuts me out

Slices away

My desire

Such an expert

Swordsman

Is fate

I question

My mastery

Of anything

At all

If only...

If I could hold myself
Like a newborn
As though I were
A precious gift
To the world

If I could love myself
Like a toddler
Forgiving mistakes
Expecting only growth
Never perfection

If I could forgive myself
Like a child
Understanding forgiveness
Breeds compassion
And compassion
Breeds understanding

If I could allow myself
The freedom
To feel
To see
To hear
To touch
To speak

Perhaps I would not hold myself
In such contempt

Perhaps I would not be afraid
To accept love

Perhaps I could spend Wednesday nights
In mindfulness

Alas,

Tonight...

I hate myself

I'm afraid of being loved

And I spent my night seeking mindlessness

Clearly, unsuccessfully.

*gloom*

Do You

Do you
Want to know me
Or
Do you
Just want
To fuck me?

I really want
To know
Because
I'm bored
Of boys

I'm ready
For a man
To stand up
And show me something
I don't want to leave

Come

Find me
In the light
Of day
When all
My fears
Are tucked
Away
Slumbering
Until the night
Find me now
And you will see
Beauty and charm
Positivity

But should you come
In the shadow
Of the night
To the place
Where I stop
Pretending
All is right
What you will find
Is the real Mee
Who is something
Of
A catastrophe

I loved
And I lived
And I thought
They were One
And the Same
And I gave
Everything
To that love
Only
For it
To walk away

And after that
I forgot
How to stand
How to walk
How to feed
How to grow

And after that
I remembered
What I once
Did know

So in the day
In the light
I can shine
Something bright

But in the dark
Of the night
You will see
What is left
Of a girl
Who gave
Everything
To love

To love
That left
And moved on
Because
Everything
Sometimes
Just isn't
Enough