If only...

If I could hold myself
Like a newborn
As though I were
A precious gift
To the world

If I could love myself
Like a toddler
Forgiving mistakes
Expecting only growth
Never perfection

If I could forgive myself
Like a child
Understanding forgiveness
Breeds compassion
And compassion
Breeds understanding

If I could allow myself
The freedom
To feel
To see
To hear
To touch
To speak

Perhaps I would not hold myself
In such contempt

Perhaps I would not be afraid
To accept love

Perhaps I could spend Wednesday nights
In mindfulness

Alas,

Tonight...

I hate myself

I'm afraid of being loved

And I spent my night seeking mindlessness

Clearly, unsuccessfully.

*gloom*