05/04/2021
9:25 p.m.
Nexen's birthday, so it was a wonderful day by default. Still now, for the first time today, I think of the glorious storm the night Nexen was born. My water dragon. Ab and Sami really believed Nexen could make it rain for a little while. What a joyous and triumphant day it was. At one point in labor, I remember feeling so desperately alone without his father there. And then I looked around at the beautiful, strong, loving women in the room, plus my kids, and I let it all fill me. And the strength of all the birthing mothers throughout history. And I opened up myself and my future to a whole human. Which was what I had done to get myself to that night in the first place. I am so thankful I have been so blessed since then, to not have my heart's desire dictate my future.
Work was horrible today. Don't feel like expounding upon it. I may be fired soon. So it goes.
...
Anyway, we'll see how work goes tomorrow. All I can do is my best, and whether they see it or not, I have been.
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