Day Thirty-Four: 02/03/2020

 02/03/2020

9ish a.m.

    I am on the train back from NJ dropping off Nexen.  We were late so we ran from the train and I ran back to the train.  I am still sweating.  Gross.

    Anyway I haven't written yet this year.  It's hardly because there's been a lcak of things to write about.  The issue has been more my unwillingness to think about things too deeply.

    I still am uncertain how much I am willing to explore.  I think because I know the answers contradict how I am feeling.  Yet, I know what must be done.  I have just been unwilling to do it for so long because I joined my heart to the one I love without thought for what such a union would look like.  And every time I examine it, I see only what won't work.  I have to end this to find what will.  I just loathe the task because my heart aches for him so.

                                                                                                                                       💗 Mee