Awakening

Awakening
Is painful
I understand
Why so many people
Choose
To stay asleep

I used to
Consider me
Kind
Selfless
Loving
Compassionate
Self-aware
Humble

And now
Faced with the truth
That I am pretty much
The opposite
I have to admit
It fucking hurts
A lot

There's a part of me
For sure
That wishes
To go backward
And take that easy path
The one
Where anything I do
Or say
Is admired
And loved

The one
Where I was good enough
Just the way
I am

But
We all know
Nine times out of ten
I will take the hard road
Because one thing
I never lied to myself about
Is that
I don't like it easy

So
Here I am
Feeling like shit
And an asshole
And stupid
And insignificant
And weak
And undesirable
And that's not a reflection
On anyone
Except me

The only way
For me to be
A woman
Worthy enough
Is to struggle
Through these feelings
And emerge
On the other side
With new ones

It's far from fun
It's far from easy
But it's entirely necessary
For my transformation
And I fully intend
To transform

But man
This fucking hurts
And I could really
Really
Use a damn hug