T

I wish
I could swallow my pain
Digest it
Excrete it
And be ready
For you
With an open heart
But the heart
Is not like
The digestive tract
And mine
Is so fucking broken

It hurts so much
To try and love you
Half the time
I feel
Like I'm dying

It's so unfair
I know
And really
All I wanted
Was to write
A love
Poem
For you

Something pretty
Something kind
But that
Is no longer
The reality
Of my mind

I was demolished
Crushed
Broken down
Torn apart
Thoroughly smashed

And now...

Now...

To try again
To write things
Of which I've written
In the past
And choked upon
In the aftermath

I don't even know how to start
The words
"I love you"
Weigh a thousand pounds
I know I'm strong
But that kind of weight
Is a little ridiculous
Even for me
The queen of ridiculousness

So
Here upon this page
Soul desecrated
Reborn in rage
Burst into flames
Settled to ash
Now to love again
Is so much to ask

I tell you only this

Each day when I wake up
I think of you
And my whole body smiles

Can that be enough?
For now?