Day Ninety-One: 04/01/2019

I'm cheating a tiny bit because it is actually 04/02/2022 right now and I'm backdating this because it's the first day all year I got behind on this blog project.  I will try to get a little more ahead now but I'm tired.  Hopefully I can at least get caught-up the two days.

04/01/2019

6:49 a.m.

    Well, I have been meaning to write for the past two days.  I wish I had, because a lot has happened and I am having trouble processing it all.

    I didn't want to write I think because processing all that emotion would make it seem so real.  I didn't want it to be real.

    But I am doing myself a disservice, because now he is here, asleep in my bed.  And I don't even know what to do.

    I last wrote the morning of the 28th.  Thursday morning.  So much has happened since then.  But all I want to do is close my eyes and pretend nothing has happened.  I think I will - just for a few moments.  It's hard to form thoughts when he's so close.  A big part of my issue!

                                                                                                                💗Mee

Day Ninety! 03/31/2016

 Thursday, March 31st

9:40 a.m.

I'm at acupuncture.  Yay!  It's not Eva but that's okay.  Cara is newer but it is still helpful and she's loosely categorized as a friend.  :)

So I haven't been good with communicating with you this week.  Mainly because I don't know how to be honest about how I am feeling but not leave you hanging in the lurch because I don't have time to discuss it.

Maybe acupuncture this morning and an early day at work will resolve things.

10:50 a.m.

I'm feeling pretty awesome!  Yay!  Planning a long run tonight too so we'll see.  Maybe with my head clear all of this confusion will fade away to nothing.

Day Eighty-Nine: 03/30/2020

03/30/2020

Evening time

Dear R,

    So things have NOT been super fantastic.  Work stressed me the F out today which is extra annoying because I am not getting paid to be stressed.  I am not getting paid at all.

    I am about to bake cookies with Sami though because her brothers stressed her out.  It's nice that I can do that at least.

    I miss you and I hope you are doing well.  Healthwise and spiritwise and soulwise.  

    I have seriously gained 10-15 pounds in the last two months.  Just over the last two days have I begun to take actual steps to reverse that.

    Life is complicated.

                                                                                Love,  Mee

Day Eighty-Eight: 03/29/2012

 03/29/2012

1:10 p.m.

    Taking a little break from work to drink my medicinal herbs.  I feel as though they've helped a lot.  I feel wonderful right now.  Peaceful and optimistic.  Proud of myself, my body, my kids and my baby.  This weekend I want to do more nesting.  I am so excited for this next month and I am also praying it doesn't go too fast.

    My thoughts of Him have turned from dark to light.  It is a huge relief for me and the baby.  I am so thankful for the quiet.

    Life is good.

    Oh, and Elton is making his presence known in my life.  On the one hand it is comforting.  On the other it is scary.  I'm not sure if his timing is perfect or horribly wrong.  His energy is good and positive so I will remain open to him for now.  I pray I can raise my children with the emotional intelligence to not have these hardships.  All mine will then be worth it.

Day Eighty-Seven: 03/28/1997

28 March 1997

1:15 a.m.

Who am I?

I am not a name.  I am not a gender.  I am not a race.  I am not an age.  I am not an IQ.  I am not a category.

So who am I?

I am not good.  I am not bad.  I am not honest.  I am not a liar.

I am not a quality.

So who am I?

Day Eighty-Six: 03/27/2016

 Sunday, March 27, 2016

10:54 p.m.

    So I'm a bit surprised to see I have gone two weeks without writing, but it has been a long two weeks.  Long and busy.  So maybe I mean a short two weeks.  

    Sami's birthday, Randy moving in, Nexen getting sick, me drinking too much too many times...I haven't been making a lot of great decisions lately.  I have to step-up and slow down at the same time.

    

Day Eighty-Five: 03/26/2021

 03/26/2021

9:39 p.m.

"Can you name every sound you are hearing right now?"

Bob's Burgers.  Cars outside.  Pen on paper.  Breathing

                                                                                                💗Mee

Just for fun, I will do the same thing now.  (03/13/2022 @ 11:59 a.m.).

Refrigerator hum.  Me typing.  Nexen watching YouTube in the bedroom.  Breathing.