Day Thirty-One: 01/31/2021

01/31/2021

10:56 a.m.

My not-so-little love,

    We are in Sami's room.  She is in New Jersey with Aunt Staci and crew.  You are playing "Among Us" on my phone.

    I am going through a very difficult break-up and you are bringing me great comfort, joy and perspective.   I will miss you as your five days with Dad will soon be upon us.

    You are growing exponentially, as is my love for you.  You are generally happy although a little obsessed with screen time and cursing.  I am hoping you will grow out of both.

    You really have a beatiful, loving heart and spirit.  And can't wait to see you grow (okay, I can wait - I don't want you to grow up sometimes) even more.  I hope I can be at my best so you can know the best version of me!

    I love you forever and ever plus a little bit longer.

                                                                                                        Love,

                                                                                                        Mama

Day Thirty: Undated Sketchbook Poem

Couldn't find anything for January 30 through the years so here's an undated poem which was definitely ripped out of a sketchbook at some point.  

It means

Everything

To me

When you look 

At me

With that expression

Words

Could never touch

That look

Which means so much

Without you

Having to say anything

Yet I 

Shy away

From interpreting too much

As much

As I 

Try to tell you

With my touch

My fingers

Play upon your torso

They tell you

How I'm so glad

I found you 

Or you found me

Whichever

It just feels

Meant to be

And I cherish

Every moment

And do my best

To show it

My appreciation 

Knows no bounds

Though to you

Maybe my words

Sound

Tired

And used

And insincere

But if ever

A word

Had power

And truth

And honesty

I'd give it all

To these next few words:

I'd be so different

If I'd never met you

I'd be worse off

Without you in my life

I don't know how to say things

Often when I'm near you

But I tell you everything

Even though I fear you

Will up and walk away someday

Leaving me with words to say

And no one to say them to

Day Twenty-Nine: 01/29/2007

29 January 2007

Riding home on the subway tonight after my anxiety class I heard the Northbound train approach and thought about how Abacus and Samurai tense up when they hear the loud train and I tell them - it's okay, it's just the subway, it's loud but there's no need to be scared.  And they relax.  Because I told them everything's going to be okay - and they believe me.  That's all I want.

Day Twenty-Eight: 01/28/2005

 28 January 2005

Good morning baby!  It's been quite a while since I've written in here but things have been good.  You've been keeping me busy!  You're going to be talking soon I think.  About six more weeks until Mama has our new baby.  Right now I'm waiting for the midwives to come and pick me up for a work day down in Elkton.  You slept at Mom-Mom's last night.  I missed you so much!  I am sure you are having fun though.  I love you so much.  I wish I never had to leave you but it's definitely good for both of us to be apart some of the time.  It is so wonderful to see you gaining your independence.  And it is nice for you to have a close relationship with Mom-Mom.  Hopefully as you get older the same thing will happen with you and your Grandma and Grandpa.  You are very lucky to have so many people who love you so much!  That way you should have someone you can turn to and trust no matter how you are feeling.

Well, I should go now but I'll write again soon!

                                                                                                    All my love

forever and

ever,

Mama 

Day Twenty-Seven: 01/27/2016

Wednesday, January 27, 2016

8:09 a.m.

Kids were off for school the last two days so things were really hectic.  Fun - but crazy.  I took two with me to work Monday and all three yesterday and it just makes for super long days!

Anyway, I'm taking some extra time this morning to let the baby sleep and try to get some house stuff and exercise in this morning.  I generally work-out at least once a day but I've been totally slacking the past two days!

Okay, time to get some stuff done before the baby wakes up.

                                                                                                        💗Mee

Day Twenty-Six: 01/26/2017

 January 26, 2017

    So, a lot has transpired in the two weeks since I have written.  It's time for me to get focused inward.

    Most notably, I quit my job yesterday.  A flurry of miscommunication triggered a storm and I opted for a safe harbor.

    Now I am poised at what feels lice a precipice but I know is merely a crossroad.

    All in all, I am pleased with myself.  I cannot continue to stay in situations which stress me out and cause unhappiness.  I am ready to don my shining armor and save my soul.

    It's funny that Dave gave me today off but here I am awake and ready to start the day at 5 a.m. instead of snoozing the alarm and cursing myself for not getting out of bed.

    Today's goal?  A clean room!

                                                                                                                Off I go -

                                                                                                                           Mee

Day Twenty-Five: Undated and Unfinished Sketchbook Poem (Probably 2008-2009 but not really sure).

                                     

Words upon a page

In a conceptual age

All I fear within a cage

An exception is made

The concept is one as old as time

An old design

A way to grow

From a single line

To a complex rhyme

It's all just a matter of time

What's yours 

In mine

What's mine

Is that which returns to me

After I've set it free.

Let's depart from our usual imagery

And reach out conceptually

To all that was never meant to be

But is, now

Which I realize

Is arguably

Fate itself

But I don't know 

How to reconcile

Free will

And predetermination.

So I return

To my conceptualization.

There's a path we walk

And though sometimes

I want to run

Or perhaps

Return to the spot

Where something special once begun

I continue to walk

Even where it all grows dark

I know soon enough

I'll see the sun

Because I found in me

The woman

Who doesn't need to hide

From anyone 

Not even

Herself

And that's the greatest wealth

I've known in my lifetime

For I never thought

I'd find the place

Where I could be comfortable

With me

And begin to see the light

That chases shadows

From deep within

And allows me to believe

Again

And proves to me I

Never need

To hide

Or even pretend

Because the authentic Mee

Is all I ever need to be

I found true love and he set me free

Which was an entirely

New concept for me

Freedom from all the fears

Which had been controlling me

And keeping me from seeing

The beauty inside

Within

Without which

I had been living

An ugly life

I wasn't worthy of being

Anyone's wife

I actively sought out strife...