Reality

Reality
Is more
Than merely
My
Perception
Of
Life

Reality
Is
My experience
And
Perception
In conjunction
With that
Of everyone
Else

Delusion
Is where
You refuse
To acknowledge
The experience
And perception
Of another
And insist
That your
Own perception
Is the only
Reality

You
Deem yourself
Above
Labeling me
As delusional
All the while
Refusing
To acknowledge
My experience
My perception
Believing in
Honoring
Only
Your own

You
Deem yourself
Wisest
Of all
Certifying
That knowledge
With a piece
Of paper
And
Initials
Hard earned
Granted
But this
"Wisdom"
Has you blind
To reality

Physically
Financially
Spiritually
And
Emotionally
YOU
Damaged
Me

I
Have not
Sought
Vengeance
Retaliation
A path
Of hate
Or
Of harm

In fact
Quite
The opposite

But you
In your delusion
Allow yourself
To see
Only
Negative Mee
And she
Isn't
Even
Real
She only
Lives
In your head

The Mee
Most others
Know
And see
Is more
Representative
Of
Reality

But you
Deny
She exists
Choosing
Instead
To continue
On your path
Of hate
And harm

I try
To let it go
See past
Live with compassion
Letting go
Forgiveness
Letting go
But still
I lose sleep
Wondering
Crying
Why

Why
Can't we
Just be
Happy
Left alone
Autonomous
I asked
For nothing
But space
You chose
To suffocate me
With lawsuits
And the lies
Of your poisoned mind

You didn't
Kill me
Yet
But
You came close
Very close

Once again
I rise up
Out
Of my own
Perceived
Defeat
Only
Because
For every
Thought
And action
Of hate
You unleash
Upon me
And my children
There is
A counter thought
And counter action
Of love
And kindness
And I
Can see that
Now
I
Can feel that
Now
And I
Can
Accept that
Now

How do you change the world?

Is it a song you post on Facebook
A friend clicks
And it takes them to a new place
Of understanding
Of peace

Is it an object
You inadvertently drop
A person trips
And their life completely changes
In that instant

Is it a child's experience
For which you are responsible
And take for granted
Too many days
Not even realizing
What you are creating
Until you look back

Is it possible
To know
To understand
All the ways
We change the world?

Of course not.

So maybe
We should be
More vigilant
About how
We act
Within it

I'm Cold

And sick
And I wish
You were here
To hold me
Because
In your arms
I feel safe
And loved
And warm
And happy

And I miss you

My Heart on Paper

The connection
From my brain
To my vocal cords
Is sometimes
Faulty

The connection
From my brain
To my heart
Is sometimes
Contentious

The connection
From my heart
To my vocal cords
Has yet
To be found

The connection
From my heart
To the written word
Is all
I have

So I pour my heart out
On paper
And I see your words
As a reflection
Of your heart

So be careful
Of what you write to me
Because those words
Have the power
To make me love you
Leave you
Respect you
Or despise you

Thanks Friends

In Tears

In tears
I greet the morning
Another day
Of trying
To mitigate
My sadness
Pain
Anguish

Another day
Of failure

I thought to post
On Facebook
A note of gratitude
For friends
Family

And then I remembered
How people scold me
For being too personal
Putting too much out there

I was going to say
I am struggling right now
But am thankful
For everyone
Who cares
Each person
Is a breath of air
To which naturally
You cling
When you are suffocating

I guess maybe
I will post that
After all.

Okay well,
My post ended up a little different
Than I intended.

Then again,
So did my life.

Mistakes

Every single day
I make a mistake
Every. Single. Day.
The mistake?
Thinking you might resemble
Just 1%
Of the man
I met
6 years ago.

Possessing human decency
Regard for others
Compassion
Love, even.

But not for me.
Not for Mee.

I would like to say
Someday
I will stop
Making this mistake

But what can I say
At heart
I'm a dreamer
Even shattered
It still dreams
Not for love
Only for kindness
Maybe a little understanding
A tiny crumb
Of consideration
A thimble
Of respect

Maybe I won't ever
Stop making that mistake
Because you're his father after all
And children
Learn by example

So giving up
On the idea
You might treat me
Like something other
Than shit you stepped in
And can't fully wipe off your shoe
Will be letting go
Of the idea
My son
Will have a good decent example
Of what it is
To be a man
Who treats others
(Women especially)
With kindness
Compassion
And respect
Even
If they're not currently putting out
For you