Intangibles

Hello.
It's Mee.
It's possible
I ran away for a bit.
It would seem
I have found my way
Back.

Or forward?

This time
The things I think
I will tell you
The things I can't tell you
I will show you
The things I can't show you
The
Intangibles...

Maybe I will draw them for you.
Maybe we can paint them together.
Maybe they will just be understood.

But I won't make any assumptions.

(Dis)quiet

(Dis)jointed
Incohesive
(Dis)array
Nonlinear
(Dis)appear
Invisible
(Dis)enchanted
Nonchalant

Relevant

Everyone

Lesson of the Day:

EVERYONE has the capacity to be an asshole.  Everyone.  No matter how nice you think they are when you are getting to know them.

The end.

Truth

Hey

Where are you?

Have you left me?

I have been searching

I am always searching

I have been hurting

I am often hurting

I have been feeling

Mostly

Because I stopped drinking so much

But anyway

I am wondering

Where you are

Are you in reality

If so

Whose?

Mine

Someone else's

Everyone's?

Are you in

Subconscious thought

Hiding

In the mental meanderings

Of sleepers

Of dreamers

Are you in the past?

The present?

The future?

Are you everywhere?

Nowhere?

I need you

I need you to light my way

It's dark

And I'm confused

and I don't want to hurt myself

Or anyone else

But,

Truth,

I have met you before

So I already know

Hurt follows you

Like a shadow on a sunny day

Still

I will take the pain

Which comes

With illumination

I just hope

Everyone else

Can do the same...

Dear Abacus,

Sometimes
When I try to write
About my love for you
I feel my heart
Wanting to burst
Or perhaps
The feeling is more like
Implosion

You see
Until I held you
Minutes old
The smallest you would ever be

Until you breathed
That same air
As I was breathing

How could I know what life was?
How could I know what life meant?

Some people
Have this amazing gift
This ability to see
To know
To understand
Without needing this little life connection
To change their perspective
And open their mind

I lacked that gift
And so opening to you
Was opening to the world
And opening my heart to love you
Was finally
At long last
Opening my heart
To love myself

Every aspect
Of carrying you
Birthing you
Caring for you
Watching you grow
Has been a lesson
In how to treat myself
And everyone else

More love
More kindness
More compassion
More understanding

You are going to be thirteen soon.
You still smile at me when I walk in the door.
You still reach for my hand when we walk down the street.
You still tell me you love me when we hang up the phone.
You still catalyze positive growth with every milestone.

I can't put into words
What it means to know you
What it means to know
That you're my son
But I will put it into every hug
Every kiss
And every "I love you"
And just hope
That you continue to smile
And reach for me
And say "I love you"
And that I continue to grow

Love,
Mama

Dreams

If I
Permeate
Your dreams
Maybe
You
Could take
Me there
Remind
Me
What it is
To know you

Expose
Your subconscious
Desires
Fears
Absurdities

In the dreams
I've forgotten
Perhaps
You reside?