Arms

The echo 

Of my empty arms

A reverberation

You silence

By filling them

I thought

I had forgotten 

How to love

How to open

And then I found you

And I don’t know

A happier place

Than being held 

In your arms

I miss

Being there

Every moment

I’m away

At the risk

Of writing
Too much
In one night
Which
I hardly
Remember

At the risk
Of my heart
Breaking
Again

At the risk
Of exposing
My sadness
My weakness
My breaking
Point

At the risk
Of losing
Everything

I ask

What

Do you see
In Mee

Sadness

Overtakes me
As I sit
Alone
Admittedly
Slightly
Inebriated
As my children
Babies
Venture out
Into the world
In their costumes
On Halloween
Without
So much
As a thought
Or backwards glance
And I
Wait
For maybe
A photo
And
As an afterthought
I get a selfie
Which doesn't even feature
The costume
I spent three hours
Procuring
The night before

Welcome
To teenagers
Welcome
To the end
Of childhood
As it once
Made sense
And now
Now
...

What

I don't know
How to live
Without love
And I
Clearly
Don't know
How to live
With it
Either

10/31/2018

So
Here's the thing



But

My whole life
I have been fooled
And to this day
I am not
Always
Sure
Whether I am still
Being played

Even
By my own
Children

So
Here I sit
At work

On Halloween

My first night

Ever

Not taking them
Trick or treating

And

I am confused

That is all.

Being Female

So
Sometimes
You let things go
Because
You're female
And you've spent
You're entire life
Letting things go
Because
Honestly
That's what you're taught

But
Sometimes
You go out
With a female
Who says no
This shit
Is not okay

And you leave

And you realize

You could have
Been leaving
Your whole
Damn
Life

Sometimes

Sometimes
I can't sleep
So I allow
All the shit
To pour
Out of my brain
In an attempt
To regain
Reign
Over my senses

I am thankful
For this blank page
Sometimes
I cover with rage

Or

Confessions from the cage
In which
I allow
My self
To live

Sometimes
I look back
And discover
I haven't moved an inch
But sometimes
I look back
And see
That doors
Are opening
And sometimes
I've even
Taken
A step outside

What would it look like
To shed my past
The shackles
Of the mistakes
Of the earlier versions
Of my self

What would it sound like
To speak
Without fear

What would it feel like
To forgive Mee?