Wow

Well
That took
No time at all
You are
Really
REALLY
Working hard
For my downfall

I wish
I could say
I'm strong enough
To withstand
Anything

But I'm not
I'm breaking
And you're doing it
And knowing
That you're enjoying it
Doesn't even make me feel stronger

You reopened
All my wounds
And now
With no time to heal
You've set to work
Stabbing
Going for the kill

You are
A vicious
Vicious
Beast

I pray
That I never know
The true depth
Of your rage
And capacity
To cause pain
Because I am sure
I've only seen
A fraction

Hey World

Hey World
No
I'm not okay
I know
It's just another day
But I feel beaten
And battered
Bruised
And broken
I feel
Exhausted
And
Finished

I won't
Kill myself
Because
He would be
So happy
And my kids
So sad
But I have to say
The thought of death
Brings peace
To my tormented mind

Perhaps that's too much
But guess what
I don't care
Because I need to get it out
Before it kills me
Before the thoughts
Take shape
And form
And weight
And action

I know
I'm not alone
I know
That people care
I know
That only some people
Want me to hurt
This deeply
This thoroughly
And those people
Can laugh
And clap
And dance
Because this
This feeling
It's a new low
Congratulations

Hey World
Yes
I will be okay
I know that
And I can say it
But I will tell you
It feels really fucking empty
When anyone else does
So maybe
Save it
For when I'm ready
Right now
I just need to find my way
Out of this darkness
So if you have a light
Shine it
And if you don't
I'll share mine
When I find it again

Love
Mee

Ground

I take a step
It turns to sand
Quicksand
They say
Not to struggle
So you won't go under
How much sense
Does that even make
Yet
That's exactly
What I do

Accept
Accept
Accept

Don't struggle

Accept your lies
Accept my path
Accept my pain
Accept my death

Don't struggle

Darkness
The shadow
On my heart
From your knife
Obliterates
Yet another
Section of light

The light
In my eyes
Dims
Another degree
I need my son
I need my son to see

How can you stand there
And tell the judge
He's better off
Away from me
Even
For just that one day
How can you not see
He grounds me
And without him
I am lost

I am lost
And wandering
And scared
And alone
And I'm bleeding
From this wound
You inflicted
And it's not healing
Because you
Don't want to let me alone

You couldn't stand
For us to be happy
You couldn't stand
For us to not need you
You couldn't stand
Except in our way

My happiest day
Will be
When I am free
From you
Even
If that day
Is my last one

Have You

Have you
Taken your final stab
Or is there more
To come
Are you
Lying in the grass
Licking your chops
Enjoying the taste
Of my blood
As you ripped out
Yet another
Piece of my heart
Are you
Coming for the rest
In a few months
In a few years
How many more tears
Am I going to taste
Salty on my lips
Bitter in my heart
Making me want
To end all the pain
But knowing
Then
Only you
Will gain
Everyone else
Will lose
So I have to walk
Zombie like
Through my days
Pretending my world
Is okay
While inside
My soul writhes
In pain
Slashed again
And again
By your sword
You struck from the back
The coward's way
You always
Take
The coward's way
Crazy
To think
I once
Regarded you
Above
ALL
Men
My mistake
The kind
I pay for
The rest
Of my life

What Hurts the Most

Is
Every insult
You could add
To my injury
You did

Knowing you
Has been
And continues
To be
The most painful
Experience
Of my life

Also
The most humbling

Who am I
To know
The way to my son's happiness

Who am I
To understand
Where his best interests lay

Who am I
To dare
Dream of a world

Where I can hug my child
Goodbye
And then hello
Every
Freaking
Day

I'm shattered
Again
Congratulations

My only consolation
Is that I know
By now
When I put myself
Back together
I will
Be even stronger
And more beautiful
Than before

Wield your hammer of destruction
Go ahead
Keep breaking me apart
And grinding
My broken bits
Into dust

You do you

I use my hammer to build
And I believe that Nexen
Will always
Be bigger
Than both of us

You Are

You Are

Of my body

In my heart

On my mind

The tear

I won't let fall

The hug

I won't let end

The kiss

I won't let fade

My earth

Grounding me

My home

Sheltering me

My breath

Guiding me

You are

Worth the wait

Worth the fight

Worth the climb

This uphill battle

Is it cresting?

Doesn't matter

I'm not resting

I'll shoulder the burden

Until I can walk no more

And then...

And then I'll crawl

Whatever I have to do

I won't give up on you

I don't make a lot of promises

Because it hurts when they are broken

And you can't always keep

To the path

That once seemed so clear

But to you 

To you I promise

Today

And every day

I will believe in us

And I will fight for us

Until there is no fight left

Only

Acceptance

The Origin of Pain (Part III)

(Part I)

Rain, rain

Come again

Obscure the glare

Of the ancient sun

Cleanse

The Earth

My body

As one

I ask not

For yesterday

Though answers

Lurk like stalkers

In those dark shadows

Of my unexamined past

I ask not

For tomorrow

As they already

Come too fast

Too fast

But today

I cry out

In exquisite pain

As my battered heart

Works to open again

I stand

In judgment

Before no one

Except myself

Yet 

Anyone else

Would surely

Be easier on me

Well

Anyone

Except him

Who only

Ever

Sees lies

Because his brain

Twists truth

And beauty

With his poison mind

Into an amalgamation

Which one can only

Leave

Behind

Rain, rain

Come again

Obscure the glare

Of the ancient sun

Purify

The Earth

My body

As one

(Part III)

Rain, rain
Come again
Obscure the glare
Of the ancient sun
Purify
The Earth
My body
As one

I reach
For you
In the dark
Of the morning

I reach
For you
In the dark
Of my mourning

I reach
For you
And then pull back
Not sure
How to take
This latest attack

I don't know how
To escape
My fate
This rape
Times eight
This hate
This hate

I reach
For you
And then pull away
Ashamed
Again
For all I can't say
For the woman
I can't stay

Rain, rain
Come again
Obscure the glare
Of the ancient sun
Purify
The Earth
My body
As one