November 12, 2008

If this is tonight
Then what of tomorrow

I've misplaced my dreams

Have you one I can borrow?

Tragedy

I'd like to think that gradually

I'll put to rest that fragile me

And bounce back from this tragedy

That split apart my family

But don't you know that tragedy

Was something that was born in me

And even if I've sworn to be

Do I believe that possibly

I'm capable of living peaceably

When all that does reside in me

Is ultimately contradictory

To the person that I try to be

And sometimes I can hide it, see

But when people confide in me

The honesty collides down deep

And tragic thoughts disrupt my sleep

And negativity will creep

And then my conscious mind does leak

All the strength I tried to keep

And stockpile

Knowing that it could be a while

And I may just forget to smile

In the face of tragedy

That would expose the fragile me

I can't stop

My head
Is filled
With love

My heart
Is filled
With hope

My body
Is full
Of the feelings
Elicited
By your words

Did you know
I respond
Autonomically
To the sight
Of your name
(chat window)
To the sound
Of your voice
(even if it's only
in my mind)
To the memory
Of the feeling
Of your breath
On my neck

So many things
Bring me back
To you
And all this time
I've spent
Running away
I've grown tired
So tired
That I just
Want to curl-up
Beside you
Call that place
Home
And stay there

(T)his Morning

This morning
Is gray
The air
Is chilled
But not
To discomfort
My steps
Are quiet
Unimposing
My thoughts
Gentle
Like mist

I like
Their weight
This morning
Closer
To buoyant
Than I
Can really
Remember
Them being
Lately
(Except
That weekend)
I digress....

The shadows
Are missing
Because
The sunlight
Is not here
To play

My heart
Is light
Because
I realized
I am only
Positioned
To win
No matter what

Unless
Of course
Love
Is a spider
Once again
Spinning
Its web of lies
Around my heart

But
If that
Were
Truly
The case
Would I
Feel
So light?
So free?

I think not
For I do
Remember
The weight
Of the lies
The clouds
Of torment
In his eyes
From time
To time

It's sad
(I know)
That when
I write
Of love
He
Invades
Like
A disease
And steals
My beautiful thoughts
Coloring them
The shade of fear

But
This
Is a process
This
Learning
To love
Anew

Demolishing
The (reinforced) fortress
Protecting
Mee

Trusting
The future
To be
Anything
It wants
To be

My catharsis
Cleared
The melancholy
Anchored
The joy
Of knowing you
Deep
Into Mee

And
On this
Gloomy morning
The light
Shines
From inside
The light
Named
T

(T)oday: One Thing

So I was instructed today, to do one thing for myself today.

I actually did two, but I'm only going to talk about one.

Hint:

"They say it's the last song
They don't know us, you see
It's only the last song
If we let it be"

(T)onight

And I'm terrified
You know
Because
You can't
Possibly
Be real.

Our story
Was supposed
To end.

But the music
It kept playing
In my head
And then
The words

The words
Stirred me
And I woke-up
To the possibility
That maybe

Maybe
You really did
Hold my hand
When I was asleep

And maybe
Just maybe
I really did
Hold on tight

And...
Conceivably
It's worth
Taking the chance
That you write
From your heart
The way I do

And not
From your ego
Like he did

Because your heart
Can't throw around
A phrase
Like "I love you"
But your ego,
Your ego
Definitely
Can

Truth in Music

Visualization: One Year Future Perfect Dream

Back in March of 2014 I was part of a women's support group entitled "Single and Searching".  The focus of the group was dating, and although I wasn't interested in dating when I went in, I joined because I wanted some clarity on whether I should be dating or not.  I suppose it was an attempt to absolve guilt.  

Anyway, one of our assignments was to write our vision of a happy relationship.  I happened across the journal tonight in which I wrote on it, so I thought it would be fun to share it here.  Super shocking, I know, but I wrote it in poem form.

The quiet

Is the quiet of a busy house

Full of children

And laughter

And love

The quiet 

That is beautiful

In its rarity

And so fleeting

It's impossible

To miss

The smells

Of childhood

Playdoh

Crayons

And wooden blocks

Of adolescent boys

Of a fragrant 

Young flower of a female

Always eager to please

Just like her mother

The feel 

Of energy

The air itself

Moves faster

With the energy of youth

Combined

With the energy of new love

The view

An American masterpiece

A melting pot

Of features

Faces so familiar

And also strange

The taste

Of home cooked meals

Each a labor of love

Of children's boo-boos

Brought to your lips for those kisses

Which instantly make them all better

Of my new love's kiss

Who made my life all better