Happiness Is

Happiness is
A pile of clean laundry
Yet to be folded
Full of mismatched socks
In various sizes
Colors
Shapes
The pinkness of my little girl's clothes
The softness of my little boy's favorite sweatpants
The practicality of the old pillowcase
Not pretty but often used








Happiness is
A moment of silence
In a house filled with such chaos
And love
That I completely forgot
To leave for my acupuncture appointment
I lost track of time
I got lost in the moment
And here I am
Relishing in another
Opposite
But equally fulfilling


Happiness is
A full belly
Full of love
Full of laughter
Full of latkes
Full of baby









Happiness is
This moment
When I stop beating myself up
About all I allowed to happen
When I stop scaring myself
About the uncertainty of the future
And I just allow myself
A moment of happiness
Of gratitude
For all my blessings
Of love
For all that I now hold close to me
Of strength
For all that I have let go
Of hope
For all that will come to be
Of knowledge
That I've been nothing but Mee
And that's not such a bad thing
In the end


I thought I was happy soaring above
When in reality
I needed to be brought to my knees
To see the true path
Through the trees
I will no longer soar above
Before I have tested the ground
And listened closely
For tremors
Earthquakes
Those destructive forces
You never sense
If you don't let your feet
Ever touch down

A Book for Samurai

Mama Loves Samurai by Jennifer Quinn | Make Your Own Book

I made a book for Samurai for her holiday present.  And after the fact, I got some pics in from Aunt Staci...they're definitely going in the next book, but for now...

Go Away

It hurts

It hurts to love you
It hurts to love you
It HURTS to love you
And still I do

I want it to go away
I want to ignore it
I want to pretend
None of it
Ever
Existed

I want the truth
To penetrate my being
And break it apart
The way it tore my mind apart
The way it tore my heart apart
The way it tore my soul apart

But my being
Is still whole
And
Worse
It's carrying your child

I wish I were dying instead
Instead of living
And growing
This new life
Dying would be so much easier

Every dream
Of my future
I had
Is shattered
And broken
And stabbing me
With every breath
I take

And here I am
Just trying to get by
And grow
And become someone
Strong enough
To handle all of this

But right now
Right now
I feel small
And alone
And afraid
And alone
And angry
And alone
And alone
And alone

I should just go home
And be with my children
And breathe them in
And remember
Inside of them
Exists
A love that doesn't lie
Inside of me
Exists
A love that doesn't lie

And no matter
How much
It hurts to love
It can never hurt
As much
As a lie

Did you ever love

Did you ever love
With complete
Abandon
Only
To be abandoned
Completely?

I did.
It sucks.

The Theory of Natural Connection

I like it.

The Truth