Have You?

Have you ever dreamed an impossible dream

And woken up to find it is your reality

Have you ever been destroyed by reality

Only to find it was all just a dream

Have you ever bravely unmasked your worst enemy

Only to find your own face, staring back at you

Have you ever stared at your image in the mirror

Not recognizing the face as your own

Have you ever repeated a word so many times 

It lost all meaning

Have you ever been scared to utter a word

Because it meant so much

Have you ever wanted to bash your head into a tree

Just to relieve the pain inside your brain

Have you ever wanted to hang your heart on a telephone pole

And watch the crows and squirrels feed on it because it would make it hurt less

Have you ever loved in such a way that the world stopped around you

And when the world started again you found you'd been left behind

Have you ever hated in such a way that unimaginable horrors became desirable

And when you stopped to breathe you could see only love

Have you ever dreamed an impossible dream

And woken up to find it is your reality

Have you ever been destroyed by reality

Only to find it was all just a dream

Afternoon Tune

Morning

Goodbye September

Morning's Muse-ic

Letters from the Past: February 25, 2010

This morning I took a little trip down memory lane and came across a letter I wrote to Abacus a little over a year and a half ago.  I thought it blog-worthy.  

Hi baby.  Today we had a mama-son day.  Sami stayed at Mom Mom's because we had our millionth snow day this winter.  But you wanted to stay with me and go to work.  We went to dinner at Hoof and Fin and you were hilarious.  I really enjoyed spending time with you even though you weren't on your best behavior at my work.

You are determined to get your ear pierced.  I posted an update on Facebook and was it was interesting to read the responses.  You know I'm inclined to let you do what you want and especially in terms of expressing your individuality.  Even though in this case it's largely because your sister has gotten her ears pierced.

Things have been a bit difficult for me this winter.  There were days when I felt like you and your sister were the only things I had in my life for which to live.  I share this because I know in your life you'll become depressed at certain times.  I want you to know how deeply I understand and hope you believe me when I tell you everything's going to be okay.

Here's the heart of the matter - the deeper you allow yourself to love, the more it's going to hurt when love changes.  But being open is the key to a fulfilling life.  There will be someone who never wants to hurt you, who only wants to love you.  And you'll likely go through many relationships before you find this balance.  The one thing I ask you is when you find her, don't let her go if you love her and she loves you back.  Even if on occasion you hurt each other by accident or by circumstance.  

I hope when the time comes you understand what I'm telling you.  I've known a lot of pain in my life, and there is NOTHING worse than not being able to be open to receive the love of the one person you'd really give anything to be with in the end.  It's a cruel twist of fate, these lessons in love, and I know you'll have plenty of your own but I just hope for you happiness like I shared with my Shawn and wisdom enough to see how to navigate through your emotions to come to a place of balance in order to find a way to maintain the love before it twists and turns away from  you.

Above all, listen to your heart and if she gives you hers, listen to hers too.  There's music to be heard.

I love you,

Mama

I just need to get it out