Diary of a Heartbreak: Entry Fifteen

Yesterday was real tough.

In the end, I pulled through.

I tried to finish my puzzle but I just couldn't get there.  I am very close though.  I am thinking perhaps in the next two days.  Since everything went down on January 16th, I am hopeful maybe I will be able to finish the puzzle on February 16th?  Maybe?

I remain sad but resolute.

The idea of going back to him is disappearing.  Every time I think about him, and desire him, I just remember our last few days together.  Our last two weeks together even.  And how I gave him everything, plus every benefit of the doubt, and I was being played.  It saddens me, disgusts me, sickens me.  And now, finally, the desire to be with him again is being lifted.  I am so thankful for that.   

I get dizzy thinking of all the deceit.  The one and only thing I care about above all else.  Just honesty, that's it!  And even after being caught red-handed, still so much dishonesty.  Again.  Sad, disgusted, sick.

I'm exhausted from feeling.  It's taken SO MUCH for me to not drink, or eat something to ease this mental burden.  But I am proud of myself for staying sober, by and large.  There has been a night or two since the break-up but nothing too crazy.  And I haven't reached out to him so, win!

I am hoping this heartbreak diary is coming to its end.  My path to healing has been pretty clear to me, I think.  I have been adhering to decisions which promote positive change and growth, for the most part.

I still feel pretty broken, but I've been gathering the strength to start climbing out of this valley, and most days, I can at least stand strong, even though I am not quite ready to climb.