Happiness

When I was young(er), I used to think happiness was like bubbles.  Pretty to look at, but never meant to last.  Floating around any which way the wind would blow, popping when you tried to catch and hold it.  I would see people who could catch bubbles on their wand and hold them for long periods of time.  I thought this was a neat trick, but exactly that, a trick.

I never understood that happiness had depth, and roots.  I guess because I, myself, lacked depth and roots.  This all changed when I became pregnant with Abacus.  Suddenly I was having the first growth spurt of my life.  Physically, spiritually, emotionally.  My journey toward understanding true happiness began with Abacus.

Happiness became a seed.  Requiring light, love, nourishment...in the right conditions, happiness  continues to multiply.  But when neglected and forgotten, like a seedling, happiness will crumble and decay.  

Sometimes, life can become stressful.  We can forget about our imperative, to feed and maintain our happiness, and then growth becomes stagnant.  Generally, life will cycle naturally, to maintain a certain balance.  We have moments of forgetting, and moments of remembering.  Sometimes, however, life will spiral.  Up, or down, or up and down in quick succession.

In these moments of spiraling upward, we may think ourselves happier than we have ever been.  But euphoria is not happiness.  Happiness requires growth.  In our moments of spiraling downward, we may think happiness has died forever.  It is here in this seemingly dark and lifeless place that we learn what real happiness is. 

Today, I am happier than I have ever been in my entire life.  This is because I have been working harder than I ever have to not only grow, but to maintain happiness.  I am proud of what I have accomplished, and enthusiastic about my future, despite all the storm clouds looming just on the horizon.

I love what I've become.  I hate that so many people got hurt in the process, myself included.  But I can see very clearly where I'm going now.  And it's the most beautiful place I've ever seen.

Oversaturation

Lately I have been hearing/seeing a lot of people complain about being oversaturated with bad news from the media.  With so many new outlets for news media to bombard you with their 160 characters of tragic happenings locally and around the world, and links to the more in-depth stories (complete with graphic photos and heart-wrenching videos), it's a wonder any of us stay sane.  How do we combat all this tragedy in our psyches?  Do we become detached, stop feeling?  Do we decide to hide from it?  Do we just become depressed and cynical?  Doesn't anything good ever happen anymore?  Or, if you are REALLY bombarded with bad news....DOESN'T ANYTHING GOOD EVER HAPPEN ANYMORE??!!??

Well, here are some ideas I have about combating this oversaturation of negativity.

1.  Seek out the bad, instead of letting it follow you around all day.  Filter your news updates or unsubscribe from some feeds that are particularly heavy on the bad news or constant updating.  Set aside time each day (or however often) to catch-up on the news stories instead of sitting at lunch or picking-up your kids and being instantly notified there was just another shooting or fire or bombing or natural disaster.  

2.  Keep perspective.  Remember that something being newsworthy means that it is extraordinary.  We are constantly surrounded by GOODNESS.  That is why bad things are newsworthy.  Families, children, friends, work, community, religion or spirituality if you have it.  It is the good things that occur every day that are commonplace.  People being good and serving their families, communities and countries.  People being kind to one another and helping each other.  It's not newsworthy because it happens all day, every day.  It is when being good becomes extraordinary, and therefore newsworthy, that we have reason to panic.

3.  Remember what comes next.  When bad news is reported in the little info bites and updates, remember that good will follow it.  Remember it audibly if you have children who are also being affected by this news.  "Oh this is terrible, there was a fire and abc was destroyed.  It is so great the fire department responded quickly and were able to put out the fire and save xyz.  It's horrible this happened but remember how the community pulled together and helped _____ when they had a fire?"  Like Mr. Rogers' wise mother said to him, look for the helpers.

4.  Seek out the good, and feel free to let it follow you around all day.  Add a comedian or someone who inspires you to your feeds so you also get some levity and positivity in your social media intake.  Schedule some email reminders to yourself of funny things your children have said, happy thoughts or pictures.  Get with a group of friends and arrange to share a joke or uplifting picture or inspirational quote each day.  If you get a little group of seven friends, you can each take the time to send one text or email on one regular assigned day.

5.  Take action.  This is especially valuable when you have young children.  I live in South Philly.  We hear of new shootings routinely.  When there is a shooting in my neighborhood, I might talk with the children about it.  Then we talk about what we can do.  What we can do to be safe, and what we can do to help.  Even if it's just writing a letter or card.  "We don't know you personally but we are neighbors.  We heard from the news about your son/daughter and wanted to let you know how the story touched us.  We are so sorry for your loss.  We will keep you in our hearts and thoughts as you go through this difficult time."  I don't do it every single time, because I don't want the children to become overwhelmed.  But I want them to begin to have an understanding that tragedies happen in our world, and the best thing we can do to change that is create more goodness.  Of course, more impactful and larger scale things can always be done.  But when you start small, it's amazing how quickly the goodness grows.

In summary, do more things to make you feel good.  If all the bad news is making you feel bad, take a break from it!

Melancholy

I’m not always sure

Where to look

To find myself

Does that mean

After all these years

I’m still lost

Or does it mean

After all these years

I’m still elusive

And

What does it mean

When you elude

Yourself?

Or maybe

The problem is

That I’m disappearing

All these things

I once thought

I might become

One by one

I find

Even

The mere idea

Slipping

A w a y

I miss you

You know

The way you once

Completed me

The happiness

We shared

Perhaps that

Is what I’m looking for

And then again

Perhaps not

Don’t get me wrong

I’m not saying I’m looking

For you

I’m saying

I’m looking

For that feeling

Of belonging

To something

I once believed

Was more special

Than anything else

In the universe

Melancholy

Is an ugly color

And it looks terrible

With my skin tone

I’m going

To go change

Out of it

Now

Suffering

I believe that life has a purpose, and as such, all things in life have a purpose.  Therefore, there is a purpose for the suffering that we encounter in our lives.  There are schools of thought which say that suffering is the point of life.  I do not believe this.  I believe that, largely, people choose to suffer.  This is not meant in a bad way.  I often choose to suffer so that others will not suffer.  In my last relationship, I chose to suffer so that the one I loved would not suffer.  It seemed that what I had to endure to remain in that relationship was worth the happiness and contentment I brought to the man I loved.  It seemed that the suffering his wife, family and friends would endure in the short term would be balanced by the beauty and strength of the love we were growing and would give back to them all in the long term.  I was very wrong.  For this misjudgment I endured great personal suffering.  Honestly, it was the greatest I have ever known.  But that experience created something truly amazing and a pathway which could only lead me to an end to my personal suffering through spiritual enlightenment.

Of course I am not saying that I have attained enlightenment.  I would never say that.  But I will say that where I am now is an incredibly light and beautiful place.  I have lived the rest of my life in comparative darkness.  I will say that I see the purpose in all of the pain and all of the suffering I endured and I see now where I caused others to suffer when I should not have.  I am truly and deeply sorry, and always will be, for the suffering I have caused.

Sometimes we suffer so that others will not suffer, but the choice doesn't seem to be ours.  Now the father of my baby is suffering, and I know this without having spoken to him in months.  But he suffers so that his wife will suffer less, so that I will not suffer and so that his baby will not suffer.  I see this and I am thankful.  His thoughts toward me have turned dark and ugly, but I am undaunted by this.  He could be making our lives miserable by continuing to repeatedly and forcefully knock me out of balance but whether it is hatred or understanding, he has ceased to do this and I am so grateful.  Perhaps someday his perspective will change and the hate will be replaced with understanding.  I am hopeful this day will come to pass but not attached to the idea being realized for any purpose other than that I don't want him to suffer so much.

Having had the time and space to practice balance and become more and more grounded in my new found spirituality I will be ready sooner to take a more active role in alleviating some of the suffering he is experiencing.  I am hopeful that he will be ready as well.  It is not my choice to cause others pain, but I will not sacrifice a major heartache for a minor one.

Quote of the Day

"Corruption of the best is the worst."

"Corruptio optimi pessima"

Dear Nexen,

When my arms feel tired

Because you need to be held

A little longer than usual

And you finally fall asleep

Enough for me to put you down

I marvel

At how empty

My arms feel

Without you in them

And I remember

How quickly

These days will pass

And you will barely

Need me to hold you

At all

And when you wake-up

And ask to be held again

I forget

That my arms were ever tired

So much funky shit...