In and Out

I'm not
In and out of love

I am
In and out
Of frustration
Of confusion
Of patience

I'm not
In and out
Of love

I am
In and out
Of energy
Of motivation
Of willingness

I'm not
In and out
Of love

I am
In and out
Of pain
Of turmoil
Of understanding

I'm not
In and out
Of love

Yet you question
Why I am with you
The answer?
Because I'm all in
My love

Old Poetry #11

I built the tracks
But the train derailed
I built the ship
But it never sailed
I took the test
And I always failed
Though the answers stayed the same
I couldn't help but change
See what it would do
If I answered two plus two
With a Katmandu
Or purple tennis shoe
And no one grasped my sense of humor
Checked my brain for some big tumor
Lost my marbles was the rumor
But I laugh inside
Because I can't abide
By standards doubled
Society troubled
Countries rubbled
Thoughts bubbled
And then they popped
Stopped
Dropped
Fell from the sky into the ocean
Washed ashore by perpetual motion
Rubbed in with your suntan lotion
Affected you like a secret potion
And now your mind changed
Expanded
Contorted
And when asked two plus two
It was you who retorted
The grass is blue
The sky is green
In the end
What does it all mean?
Do you know the story of Jack and the Bean?
No, there was no stalk
That part was all talk
To make a good story
Not quite allegory
Just a tall tale
Seeking a fairy
A beast that is hairy
And a maiden of dairy
But I digress...
You're under duress
By society's mess
And civil unrest
Though maybe not best
Is necessary
Just like the fairy in the tale
And the future will show
All that you know and believe to be true
Will ultimately find
And follow you

Emotional. Sledgehammer.

Unknowingly
You wield
An emotional
Sledgehammer

Imagine that peace of mind,
Emotional neutrality,
Is a mountain
I am climbing

I work
So hard
To navigate
All the forces
Of nature
And Mee-made
Obstacles
To reach the summit

It's a slow climb
And I need to rest
From time to time
To recharge

Yet every time
I reach a resting point
Take stock of the journey
Allow myself to feel pleased
With how far I've come
You smack me
With your emotional sledgehammer
And I fall from my perch
Sliding back down the mountain

You look down at me
And question
Why I haven't made progress

This is how I feel today

Bottom

I've bottomed out on tears
On emotion
On fear
On shame
On guilt
On embarrassment
On self-loathing

This is the bottom
I can't get any lower

And I need a fucking hug

A Slave's Dream

I am born of servitude and bloodlust
Freedom was never my birthright
I heard that people dream
Yet my own night's
A scattered scream
I succumb to suffering
Like gravity
A force to be challenged
Only by a change
In planetary motion
I seek comfort
Like others
But question their devotion
I train my mind
To absorb the blows
I train my body
To be still
As the blood flows
I will my mind
To bend like steel
I will my body
To cease to feel
I quiet my mind
As it conjures questions
I quiet my body
As it shouts its objections
I am born
Of servitude and bloodlust
Freedom was never
My birthright
I heard that people dream
I think that really sounds nice

And here we are

And here I am

Floundering

At a loss for words

Actions

Discernment 

Left from right

Or is it 

Right from wrong

I reach for you

And remember

It’s not the right

Night

And I remember

What a mess

I made

When it was

And I question

The world

At large

As well as

The small spaces

In between 

I know

That my life

Is better

With you in it

I doubt

The same

Is true 

For you

And therein

Lay

All the issues

Sad Saturday