Being sober, living sober, is so hard for me. Doesn't help that I broke-up with Edgar and now have to feel all those feelings live and in color. Process all these emotions...
Robyn lost her dog Gabe. Mom called and told me. I'll try and write her a poem.
We walk through life
Cherishing that which we love
Hoping and praying
We will be loved
And cherished back
Unconditionally
Some love us
And losing them
Breaks us open
And we have to be
Held so carefully
As we heal
I see your heart
I always have
I see your strength
I always will
Take love, baby sister
Know I love you
Unconditionally
Also
I think of you always
But especially
When you need extra love.
My heart hurts.
My brain feels swollen.
But my soul, my soul is peaceful. The storm of that relationship, having died. It's left a calm in my soul. And a smile, knowing I can still learn to love a man.
Now - just to find the one that speaks to my soul. Dances with it. Doesn't judge it or assault it with fear-based anger. Doesn't try to make it feel small so they can feel large. Someone with quiet confidence and a peaceful heart. Someone who won't try to break me.
I am a whole person. A whole lot of parts. I can put myself together from time to time. But sometimes (okay, quite often) I lose a piece. Lose my peace. But I recover eventually. If the stars align.
I've been so stuck. Stagnant. Treading water while flirting with distraction. Glancing away from my reflection.
I need to start running. For strength. Clarity. Inner peace. Universal truths. The ability to look at myself again.
Now that I know all my children are okay, how can I make my garden grow? I'm lusty for direction. Purpose. Meaning.
How do I get from here to who I want to be? Is there a new version I want to see? How can I awaken her, let her know I'm ready to let her shine? Grow her wings. Let her fly?
Because I know, with my whole heart, I almost let her die.
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