Thanks Friends

In Tears

In tears
I greet the morning
Another day
Of trying
To mitigate
My sadness
Pain
Anguish

Another day
Of failure

I thought to post
On Facebook
A note of gratitude
For friends
Family

And then I remembered
How people scold me
For being too personal
Putting too much out there

I was going to say
I am struggling right now
But am thankful
For everyone
Who cares
Each person
Is a breath of air
To which naturally
You cling
When you are suffocating

I guess maybe
I will post that
After all.

Okay well,
My post ended up a little different
Than I intended.

Then again,
So did my life.

Mistakes

Every single day
I make a mistake
Every. Single. Day.
The mistake?
Thinking you might resemble
Just 1%
Of the man
I met
6 years ago.

Possessing human decency
Regard for others
Compassion
Love, even.

But not for me.
Not for Mee.

I would like to say
Someday
I will stop
Making this mistake

But what can I say
At heart
I'm a dreamer
Even shattered
It still dreams
Not for love
Only for kindness
Maybe a little understanding
A tiny crumb
Of consideration
A thimble
Of respect

Maybe I won't ever
Stop making that mistake
Because you're his father after all
And children
Learn by example

So giving up
On the idea
You might treat me
Like something other
Than shit you stepped in
And can't fully wipe off your shoe
Will be letting go
Of the idea
My son
Will have a good decent example
Of what it is
To be a man
Who treats others
(Women especially)
With kindness
Compassion
And respect
Even
If they're not currently putting out
For you