Hurt

I hurt
Still
From you,
Yes
But from me,
Mostly

I feel as though
Lately
I've been sharpening my swords
And stabbing myself
Because
For a moment
Life felt good

And now
I guess now
I have placed myself
On a new precipice
Hanging off
Facing certain death
I feel normal again
My survival instinct
Resurrected

My fear
My despair
Acute
But so familiar

I'm writing again
That says everything
Doesn't it?

I hurt
All over
From you,
Yes
But from me,
Mostly

Circles

Is it true
That life
Continuously
Circles
Back to scenarios
And situations
From which
You have yet
To learn
The lesson
Which was meant
For you
To learn?

Honestly
Now
On (yet) another
Sleepless
Night

I think
To myself
My lesson
Is
"Value Thyself"

By not
Valuing myself
I open the door
For others
To use me
To hurt me
To violate me
To disregard me
To disrespect me

So
Is it that
History
Will continue
To repeat itself
Until
I learn
This lesson

Or

Is it
That
The failure
To learn
The lesson
Leaves me open
To history
Repeating
Itself?

Either way
I have
GOT
To (fucking)
END
This circle!

State of Mind

I pause
To find
My state
Of mind
Is cloudy

Not the tranquil clouds
Of an otherwise clear blue, summer sky
But the dark and ominous clouds
Of an impending storm

Not just any storm
But the kind of storm
Which wakes the children
And unnerves the pets
Which stops the traffic on the highway
And is the perfect cover
For a terrible murder

Clarity
Is what I seek
But I have forgotten
It seems
How to find it

Maybe sleep will help

Wait...

How do I get to sleep again?