It hurts

It hurts to love you
It hurts to love you
It HURTS to love you
And still I do

I want it to go away
I want to ignore it
I want to pretend
None of it
Ever
Existed

I want the truth
To penetrate my being
And break it apart
The way it tore my mind apart
The way it tore my heart apart
The way it tore my soul apart

But my being
Is still whole
And
Worse
It's carrying your child

I wish I were dying instead
Instead of living
And growing
This new life
Dying would be so much easier

Every dream
Of my future
I had
Is shattered
And broken
And stabbing me
With every breath
I take

And here I am
Just trying to get by
And grow
And become someone
Strong enough
To handle all of this

But right now
Right now
I feel small
And alone
And afraid
And alone
And angry
And alone
And alone
And alone

I should just go home
And be with my children
And breathe them in
And remember
Inside of them
Exists
A love that doesn't lie
Inside of me
Exists
A love that doesn't lie

And no matter
How much
It hurts to love
It can never hurt
As much
As a lie