Tuesday, November 29, 2011


I am not throwing stones
I am mending broken bones
It wasn’t sticks and stones
That broke my bones
It was your words
Your actions
That hurt me
My bones are fine
My heart is broken
My brain screams
To let you go
But I don’t know
I don’t know
I don’t know how

I shut you out
And you scream from the inside
I want you back in my life
But I have too much pride
I want you back in my life
But the sobbing won’t subside
I want you back in my life
But I’m tired of hurting
I’m exhausted from living
This kind of life
Where I can’t trust anyone

Thanks to you
I now trust myself
Because I’ve finally come clean
I never understood
What it really was to lie
To others
To myself
I never understood
The damage I was doing
To others
To myself
I never understood
The pain I was capable of causing
Until I set myself free
To love someone completely
And they betrayed me

I want to let go
I want to forgive
But I’m not ready
Because first I need to live
In a place
With people
I can trust
And love
And stay there
Long enough
To be safe
From you

And to think
I once felt safer
Than any other place
Ever in my life
When I was in your arms
And all that time
I was being comforted
By lies
By deception

What you did to me
Makes me sick
Every time I think of it
Every time I think of you
So why
Why can’t I stop thinking about you?

And no
It is not lost on me
That someone
Right now
Feels this very same way
About me

I died a thousand deaths
In a thousand different ways
And still I am breathing
So I have to go on
I have children to raise
And baby to grow
And a world of wonder
That someday I may know
If only I can forgive myself
If only I can forgive you
If only I can forgive myself
If only I can forgive you
If only I can forgive myself
If only I can forget you

I don’t ever want to forget what I’ve done
But I do want to continue to grow
So I need to let go
I need to let go

I want to be in that place
Where you don’t matter to me
I no longer feel anger
I no longer feel love
I just respect you as the human being that you are
And I love you for being human
But nothing more
Nothing more

No one
In my life
Knew everything
Until you
I do not regret
Trusting you
Because I discovered
My capacity to love
Is far larger
Than I had ever
Given myself the chance
To understand

To have loved
The way I loved
Is unbelievable
It’s like fairytale
Until the part
Where you find out
He never loved her back
And then
Then the story
Becomes quite real

There is nothing for me to do
But feel my way out of this
There is no more running
There is no more hiding
There is just turning around
And facing all my demons
And shouting
It’s now or never
Slay me now
Or you will never
Get another chance

Because soon
I will be purged
And I will emerge
A woman who has done bad things
But is no longer bad
A woman who cannot be judged
Because she no longer
A woman who is tired of hurting
And other people
A woman who will not run
Or hide
From anything
A woman who loves herself
And everyone else
And by living
In this way
All she will have to give
Is love
No more anger
No more fear
No more hurt
No more judgment
Just love

And I see her now
And I will be her
Just wait and see
She will be Mee

No comments:

Post a Comment